The Lover's Baedeker and Guide to ArcadyWells, Carolyn
General
The Lover's Baedeker and Guide to Arcady
Wells, Carolyn
Love
The Arcadian shops offer delightful wares to a doting Lover.
Flower-markets and candy-shops show tempting display windows, and
book-stalls can supply presentation editions of all the love-lore ever
written from Sappho to the present day. The jewel-shops are marvels of
splendor, and the Arcady arcades and bazaars show love-tokens and
souvenirs of all sorts. An interesting place to visit is Dan Cupid’s
Heartware shop, where charms, love-philters, and true-love knots are for
sale. There is also a repairing department, where broken hearts are
mended and made as good as new. Here hearts may be repaired while you
wait.
CUPID’S SALE
Amid their annual display
Of roses, doves, and darts,
Cupid and Co. announce today
A Bargain Sale of Hearts.
Ho, luckless suitor lachrymose,
Ho, lacklove lovelorn swain,
Gallants rejected and morose,
Hearts you may here obtain.
Rare specimens that must be sold,
One that is pure and true;
One, an antique, exceeding old,
But quite as good as new.
And as we know there’ll be a crowd
Before the day is done,
No single buyer is allowed
To purchase more than one.
A man might find ’mong broken hearts
A fitting mate for his;
Dan Cupid mends with skilful arts
And sells them cheap “as is.”
Then as you take your walks abroad,
Ho, all ye lovers, stop!
And view these bargains which we laud
At Cupid’s Heartware Shop.
The gloveshop is a popular emporium, for gloves are so often given or
confiscated, for souvenirs, that they must be continually replaced.
Mittens, also used as gifts, are for sale here.
In the bookshops the best selling titles are “How to Make Love and How
to Keep It,” “Sonnets from the Portuguese,” “The Lover’s Lexicon.”
CUPID’S BILL
One summer day, poor little Cupid
Sat sadly poring o’er his slate.
“I fear I must be very stupid,”
He said, and shook his curly pate.
And then he ran away to Venus.
“Dear mother, help me! if you will,
I’m sure,” he cried, “that we between us
Can straighten out Sir Strephon’s bill.”
Said Venus, “Just as I expected!
You always do make such a fuss
With bills!” But soon it was corrected,
And the account was rendered thus:
Sir Strephon—
To Dan Cupid, Dr.,
To shooting at six maidens’ hearts.
To making one blue silken fetter.
To half a dozen blunted darts.
To seven arrows, lost or broken.
To one heart by a blunder hit.
To one new bow. To one love-token.
Terms cash. No credit. Please remit.
“Hasten,” cried Venus, “do not tarry!
Today is Strephon’s wedding-day.
Unless he settle e’er he marry,
Cupid may whistle for his pay.”
[Illustration: “THE GROVES AND DELLS ARE DECORATED WITH BEAUTIFUL
STATUES”]
INSTITUTIONS AND PUBLIC BUILDINGS
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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