The Lunatic at LargeClouston, J. Storer (Joseph Storer)
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The Lunatic at Large
Clouston, J. Storer (Joseph Storer)
Humorous stories; Nobility -- Germany -- Fiction
The Lady Alicia might be described as a becoming frock stuffed with
sentiment. Through a pair of large blue eyes she drank in romance, and
with the reddest and most undecided of lips she felt a vague desire to
kiss something. At the end of the dance she managed by a series of little
manœuvres to find herself standing close to his elbow. She sighed twice,
but he still seemed absorbed in his thoughts. Then with a heroic effort
she summed up her courage, and said in a low and rather shaky voice,
“You—you—you are unha—appy.”
Mr Beveridge turned and looked down on her with great interest. Her eyes
met his for a moment and straightway sought the floor. Thus she saw
nothing of a smile that came and went like the shadow of a puff of smoke.
He took his hands out of his pockets, folded his arms, and, with an air of
the deepest dejection, sighed heavily. She took courage and looked up
again, and then, as he only gazed into space in the most romantically
melancholy fashion and made no answer, she asked again very timidly,
“Wh—what is the matter?”
Without saying a word Mr Beveridge bent courteously and offered her his
right arm. She took it with the most delicious trepidation, glancing round
hurriedly to see whether the Countess noticed her. Another dance was just
beginning, and in the general movement her mysterious acquaintance led her
without observation to a seat in the window of a corridor. There he
pressed her hand gently, stroked his long moustaches for a minute, and
then said, with an air of reflection: “There are three ways of making a
woman like one. I am slightly out of practice. Would you be kind enough to
suggest a method of procedure?”
Such a beginning was so wholly unexpected that Lady Alicia could only give
a little gasp of consternation. Her companion, after pausing an instant
for a reply, went on in the same tone, “I am aware that I have begun well.
I attracted your attention, I elicited your sympathy, and I pressed your
hand; but for the life of me I can’t remember what I generally do next.”
Poor Lady Alicia, who had come with a bucketful of sympathy ready to be
gulped down by this unfortunate gentleman, was only able to stammer, “I—I
really don’t know, Mr——”
“Hamilton,” said Mr Beveridge, unblushingly. “At least that name belongs
to me as much as anything can be said to in a world where my creditors
claim my money and Dr Congleton my person.”
“You are confined and poor, you mean?” asked Lady Alicia, beginning to see
her way again.
“Poor and confined, to put them in their proper order, for if I had the
wherewithal to purchase a balloon I should certainly cease to be
confined.”
His admirer found it hard to reply adequately to this, and Mr Beveridge
continued, “To return to the delicate subject from which we strayed, what
would you like me to do,—put my arm round your waist, relate my troubles,
or turn my back on you?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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