There never was a bigger, fatter, flabbier woodchuck than old
Tubby--among wild animals that I alone have known. Tubby is a fixture
of the farm. He was here when we came, or else it was his father or
his grandfather. He is fat and flabby and as broad as he is long, and
broader when full of beans. He is very much of a tub. When he sits in
the garden, he sits like a tub. When he runs, he runs like a tub. And
he holds beans like a tub.
It is worth a few beans to see him run--a medley in motions: up and
down and round and round, the spinning of a top and the hop of a
saucepan on a hot stove with amazing progress forward. He knows which
end of him is head and which tail; but from a distance I can see
neither head nor tail, only sides, bulging, tubby sides spilling down
the garden. One seldom does see the ends of a thing from a distance.
Tubby has a head-end; and he has wits in that end. He also has a
tail-end; and the disturbing conclusion one reaches with close study
is that Tubby has wits also in this end. He is a beautifully capable
thing in his way. A cutworm is not more capable--if there is anything
so capable as a cutworm! Both are poems; old Tubby an epic poem--were I
as capable as Tubby, and a Homer--
A full-sized woodchuck is twenty-two inches long; and I presume that
Tubby is not more than twenty-two inches wide, though I have seen him
wobbling out of the garden and carrying off as mere ballast a cabbage
or two, and a watermelon, and a peck or two of beans, and all of the
Swiss chard in the three rows. There are several bushels of chard in
three such rows.
The way he can run with his load! His little black heels twinkling
through the vines, his shapeless carcass flopping into his hole with me
on top of him! Then I will hear a chuckling deep down among the hickory
roots, a peculiar vegetarian chuckle quite unlike a carnivorous growl.
And then I will sit down on the hole and chuckle, having lost for the
moment my carnivorous growl. He is so bold, so impudent, so canny. The
old scamp rather likes me. And I am a fairly good gardener, if I do say
it myself.
When I place a trap in one entrance to his burrow, he uses the other
opening; if I put another trap here, he promptly digs a passage around
it; if I block this with chunks of rock, he undermines the stones and
patiently moves to a new house farther along the ridge; and, if I set
traps for him here, he changes house again. It is a wide wooded ridge
around the garden, and honeycombed with woodchuck holes. By and by he
is back in his favorite house under the hickory--when the spiders have
hung the doors with signs that the traps are gone.
But it happened once that I forgot the traps. Wood-earth and bits of
bark and dead leaves washed down till the wicked gins were covered,
and Tubby, coming back after weeks off on the ridge, tumbled into one
of the traps and got his thick fat fist fast. I heard him making a
dreadful racket, and rushed up with a club in my thick fat fist.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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