The order for mobilization was issued. Wilhelm was surprised to receive
his appointment again as second lieutenant, and was nominated to the
61st Pomeranian Regiment. His duties during the next few days took up
the whole of his time, and left him hardly a moment to himself. He was
free only for a few hours before the march to the frontier, and then he
made all the haste he could to say good-by at the Lennestrasse. His
heart beat quickly as he hurried along, and now that the time of
separation was near, he reproached himself for the irresolution of the
last few weeks. He was going to the front without leaving a clear
understanding behind him. He tried to convince himself that perhaps it
was better so--if he fell she would be free before the world. But at
the bottom of his heart this reasoning did not satisfy him, and he
lingered over the idea of taking his weeping betrothed to his heart
before all the world, and kissing the tears off her cheeks, instead of
bidding farewell to her at the station, and holding her to him from a
distance by an acknowledged tie. Was not their love alone enough? No,
he knew that it was not, and he felt with painful surprise that his
contempt for outward appearances, his impulse after reality, were
vigorous in him as long as he followed his inmost life alone; but when
he came out of himself, and wished to unite another human destiny with
his own, these things had become a painful weakness. Through this other
life, the world's customs and frivolities began to influence him, and
his proud independence must be humbled to the dust, or he must
painfully tolerate his own weakness. These reflections brought another
with them--it was quite possible that an opportunity might occur at the
last moment. He painted the scene in his own imagination; he found
Loulou alone, embraced her fervently, asked her if she would be his for
life; she said "Yes;" then her mother came in, Loulou threw herself on
her neck; he took her hand and asked her in due form if she would
accept him as a son-in-law, as he had already gained Loulou's consent.
If the councilor was at home, his consent was also given, if not they
must wait until he came, and the time could not seem long, even if it
lasted an hour. He did not doubt that they would all consent. Things
might very likely have happened just as he dreamed of, if he had only
come to his determination at the right time, and had not hazarded
success on the decision of the last moment, when there was hardly time
for a weighty decision.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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