Stephen's inner life in these last few days was so bitterly sad that she
kept it apart from all the routine of social existence. Into it never
came now, except as the exciting cause of all the evil, a thought of
Leonard. The saddening memory was of Harold. And of him the sadness was
increased and multiplied by a haunting fear. Since he had walked out of
the grove she had not seen him nor heard from him. This was in itself
strange; for in all her life, when she was at home and he too, never a
day passed without her seeing him. She had heard her aunt say that word
had come of his having made a sudden journey to London, from which he had
not yet returned. She was afraid to make inquiries. Partly lest she
might hear bad news--this was her secret fear; partly lest she might
bring some attention to herself in connection with his going. Of some
things in connection with her conduct to him she was afraid to think at
all. Thought, she felt, would come in time, and with it new pains and
new shames, of which as yet she dared not think.
One morning came an envelope directed in Harold's hand. The sight made
her almost faint. She rejoiced that she had been first down, and had
opened the postbag with her own key. She took the letter to her room and
shut herself in before opening it. Within were a few lines of writing
and her own letter to Leonard in its envelope. Her head beat so hard
that she could scarcely see; but gradually the writing seemed to grow out
of the mist:
'The enclosed should be in your hands. It is possible that it may
comfort you to know that it is safe. Whatever may come, God love and
guard you.'
For a moment joy, hot and strong, blazed through her. The last words
were ringing through her brain. Then came the cold shock, and the gloom
of fear. Harold would never have written thus unless he was going away!
It was a farewell!
For a long time she stood, motionless, holding the letter in her hand.
Then she said, half aloud:
'Comfort! Comfort! There is no more comfort in the world for me! Never,
never again! Oh, Harold! Harold!'
She sank on her knees beside her bed, and buried her face in her cold
hands, sobbing in all that saddest and bitterest phase of sorrow which
can be to a woman's heart: the sorrow that is dry-eyed and without hope.
Presently the habit of caution which had governed her last days woke her
to action. She bathed her eyes, smoothed her hair, locked the letter and
its enclosure in the little jewel-safe let into the wall, and came down
to breakfast.
The sense of loss was so strong on her that she forgot herself. Habit
carried her on without will or voluntary effort, and, so faithfully
worked to her good that even the loving eyes of her aunt--and the eyes of
love are keen--had no suspicion that any new event had come into her
life.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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