Stephen always in Leonard's presence showed something of the common
attitude. His youth and beauty and sex all had their influence on her.
The influence of sex, as it is understood with regard to a later period
of life, did not in her case exist; Cupid's darts are barbed and winged
for more adult victims. But in her case Leonard's masculine superiority,
emphasised by the few years between their age, his sublime self-belief,
and, above all, his absolute disregard for herself or her wishes or her
feelings, put him on a level at which she had to look up to him. The
first step in the ladder of pre-eminence had been achieved when she
realised that he was not on her level; the second when she experienced
rather than thought that he had more influence on her than she had on
him. Here again was a little morsel of hero worship, which, though based
on a misconception of fact, was still of influence. In that episode of
the crypt she had always believed that it was Leonard who had carried her
out and laid her on the church floor in light and safety. He had been
strong enough and resolute enough to do this, whilst she had fainted!
Harold's generous forbearance had really worked to a false end.
It was not strange, therefore, that she found occasional companionship
with the handsome, wilful, domineering boy somewhat of luxury. She did
not see him often enough to get tired of him; to find out the weakness of
his character; to realise his deep-seated, remorseless selfishness. But
after all he was only an episode in a young life which was full of
interests. Term after term came and went; the holidays had their
seasonable pleasures, occasionally shared in common. That was all.
Harold's attitude was the same as ever. He was of a constant nature; and
now that manhood was within hail the love of his boyhood was ripening to
a man's love. That was all. He was with regard to Stephen the same
devoted, worshipping protector, without thought of self; without hope of
reward. Whatever Stephen wished Harold did; and Stephen, knowing their
old wishes and their old pleasures, was content with their renewal. Each
holiday between the terms became mainly a repetition of the days of the
old life. They lived in the past.
Amongst the things that did not change was Stephen's riding dress. The
scarlet habit had never been a thing for everyday wear, but had from the
first been kept for special occasions. Stephen herself knew that it was
not a conventional costume; but she rather preferred it, if on that
account alone. In a certain way she felt justified in using it; for a
red habit was a sort of tradition in the family.
It was on one of these occasions that she had gone with Harold into the
churchyard where they had heard the discussion regarding God and the
Angels.
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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