And so things went on outwardly at Normanstand very much as they had done
before the coming of the tragedy. But for a long time Stephen had
occasional bursts of grief which to witness was positive anguish to those
who loved her.
Then her duty towards her neighbours became a sort of passion. She did
not spare herself by day or by night. With swift intuition she grasped
the needs of any ill case which came before her, and with swift movement
she took the remedy in hand.
Her aunt saw and approved. Stephen, she felt, was in this way truly
fulfilling her duty as a woman. The old lady began to secretly hope, and
almost to believe, that she had laid aside those theories whose carrying
into action she so dreaded.
But theories do not die so easily. It is from theory that practice takes
its real strength, as well as its direction. And did the older woman
whose life had been bound under more orderly restraint but know, Stephen
was following out her theories, remorselessly and to the end.
CHAPTER IX--IN THE SPRING
The months since her father's death spread into the second year before
Stephen began to realise the loneliness of her life. She had no
companion now but her aunt; and though the old lady adored her, and she
returned her love in full, the mere years between them made impossible
the companionship that youth craves. Miss Rowly's life was in the past.
Stephen's was in the future. And loneliness is a feeling which comes
unbidden to a heart.
Stephen felt her loneliness all round. In old days Harold was always
within hail, and companionship of equal age and understanding was
available. But now his very reticence in her own interest, and by her
father's wishes, made for her pain. Harold had put his strongest
restraint on himself, and in his own way suffered a sort of silent
martyrdom. He loved Stephen with every fibre of his being. Day by day
he came toward her with eager step; day by day he left her with a pang
that made his heart ache and seemed to turn the brightness of the day to
gloom. Night by night he tossed for hours thinking, thinking, wondering
if the time would ever come when her kisses would be his . . . But the
tortures and terrors of the night had their effect on his days. It
seemed as if the mere act of thinking, of longing, gave him ever renewed
self-control, so that he was able in his bearing to carry out the task he
had undertaken: to give Stephen time to choose a mate for herself. Herein
lay his weakness--a weakness coming from his want of knowledge of the
world of women. Had he ever had a love affair, be it never so mild a
one, he would have known that love requires a positive expression. It is
not sufficient to sigh, and wish, and hope, and long, all to oneself.
Stephen felt instinctively that his guarded speech and manner were due to
the coldness--or rather the trusting abated worship--of the brotherhood
to which she had been always accustomed. At the time when new forces
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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