He was so enchanted that she was not turning the conversation into banal
things, he determined not to say anything which would cause her again
to draw down the blind of bland politeness.
"Yes, I read a great deal. You see, Moravia and I were at a convent
together, and there, beyond teaching us to spell and to write and do a
few sums and learn a garbled version of French history, a little music,
and a great deal of embroidery, they left us totally ignorant--one must
try to supply the deficiencies oneself. It is appalling to remain
ignorant once one realizes that one is."
"Knowledge on any subject is interesting--did you begin generally--or
did you specialize?"
"I always wanted to be just--and to understand things. The whole of life
and existence seemed too difficult--I think I began trying to find some
key to that and this opened the door to general information, and so
eventually, perhaps, one specializes."
He was wise enough not to press the question into what her specializing
ran. He adored subtleties, and he noted with delight that she was not so
completely indifferent as usual. If he could keep her attention for a
little while, they might have a really interesting investigation of each
other's thoughts.
"I like thinking of things, too--and trying to discover their meanings
and what caused them. We are all, of course, the victims of heredity."
"That may be," she agreed, "but the will can control any heredity. It
can only manifest itself when we let ourselves drift. The tragedy of it
is that we have drifted too far sometimes before we learn that we could
have directed the course if we had willed. Ignorance is seemingly the
most cruel foe we have to encounter, because we are so defenseless, not
knowing he is there."
She sighed unconsciously and looked out over the beautiful tree-tops,
down to where the Kaiser Park appeared like a little doll's chalet set
among streams and pastures green.
Lord Fordyce was much moved. She was prettier and sweeter than he had
even fancied she would be could he ever contrive to find her all alone.
He watched her covertly; the exquisite peachy skin with its pure color,
and her soft brown hair dressed with a simplicity which he thought
perfection, all appealed to him, and those strange violet eyes rather
round and heavily lashed with brown-shaded lashes, darker at the tips.
The type was not intense or of a studious mould. Circumstance must
indeed have formed an exotic character to have grafted such deep meaning
in their innocent depths. She went on presently, not remarking his
silence.
"It is heredity which makes my country women so nervous and unstable as
a rule. You don't like them, as I know," and she smiled, "and I think,
from your point of view, you are right. You see, we are nearly all
mushroom growths, sprung up in a night--and we have not had time for
poise, or the acceptance with calmness of our good fortune. We are as
yet unbalanced by it, and don't know what we want."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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