Humorous stories, American; United States -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
“‘The remark which I made to the distressed stranger was this:
“You are very far from being a bad man; go, and reform.”’” Then he
continued:--“We shall know in a moment now whether the remark here
quoted corresponds with the one concealed in the sack; and if that
shall prove to be so--and it undoubtedly will--this sack of gold
belongs to a fellow-citizen who will henceforth stand before the nation
as the symbol of the special virtue which has made our town famous
throughout the land--Mr. Billson!”
The house had gotten itself all ready to burst into the proper tornado
of applause; but instead of doing it, it seemed stricken with a
paralysis; there was a deep hush for a moment or two, then a wave of
whispered murmurs swept the place--of about this tenor: “_Billson_!
oh, come, this is _too_ thin! Twenty dollars to a stranger--or
_anybody_--_Billson_! Tell it to the marines!” And now at this point
the house caught its breath all of a sudden in a new access of
astonishment, for it discovered that whereas in one part of the hall
Deacon Billson was standing up with his head meekly bowed, in another
part of it Lawyer Wilson was doing the same. There was a wondering
silence now for a while. Everybody was puzzled, and nineteen couples
were surprised and indignant.
Billson and Wilson turned and stared at each other. Billson asked,
bitingly:
“Why do _you_ rise, Mr. Wilson?”
“Because I have a right to. Perhaps you will be good enough to explain
to the house why _you_ rise.”
“With great pleasure. Because I wrote that paper.”
“It is an impudent falsity! I wrote it myself.”
It was Burgess’s turn to be paralysed. He stood looking vacantly at
first one of the men and then the other, and did not seem to know what
to do. The house was stupefied. Lawyer Wilson spoke up now, and said:
“I ask the Chair to read the name signed to that paper.”
That brought the Chair to itself, and it read out the name:
“John Wharton _Billson_.”
“There!” shouted Billson, “what have you got to say for yourself now?
And what kind of apology are you going to make to me and to this
insulted house for the imposture which you have attempted to play here?”
“No apologies are due, sir; and as for the rest of it, I publicly
charge you with pilfering my note from Mr. Burgess and substituting a
copy of it signed with your own name. There is no other way by which
you could have gotten hold of the test-remark; I alone, of living men,
possessed the secret of its wording.”
There was likely to be a scandalous state of things if this went
on; everybody noticed with distress that the shorthand scribes were
scribbling like mad; many people were crying “Chair, chair! Order!
order!” Burgess rapped with his gavel, and said:
“Let us not forget the proprieties due. There has evidently been a
mistake somewhere, but surely that is all. If Mr. Wilson gave me an
envelope--and I remember now that he did--I still have it.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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