The Man Upstairs and Other StoriesWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories, English
But things had gone wrong. As he leaned out of his bedroom window at
the end of the first week, preparatory to dressing for dinner, he was
more than half inclined to make some excuse and get right out of the
place next day. The bland dignity of Keggs had taken all the heart out
of him.
Nor was it Keggs alone who had driven his thoughts towards flight.
Keggs was merely a passive evil, like toothache or a rainy day. What
had begun actively to make the place impossible was a perfectly
pestilential young man of the name of Barstowe.
The house-party at the Keiths had originally been, from Martin's
view-point, almost ideal. The rest of the men were of the speechless,
moustache-tugging breed. They had come to shoot, and they shot. When
they were not shooting they congregated in the billiard-room and
devoted their powerful intellects exclusively to snooker-pool, leaving
Martin free to talk undisturbed to Elsa. He had been doing this for
five days with great contentment when Aubrey Barstowe arrived. Mrs
Keith had developed of late leanings towards culture. In her town house
a charge of small-shot, fired in any direction on a Thursday
afternoon, could not have failed to bring down a poet, a novelist, or a
painter. Aubrey Barstowe, author of _The Soul's Eclipse_ and other
poems, was a constant member of the crowd. A youth of insinuating
manners, he had appealed to Mrs Keith from the start; and unfortunately
the virus had extended to Elsa. Many a pleasant, sunshiny Thursday
afternoon had been poisoned for Martin by the sight of Aubrey and Elsa
together on a distant settee, matching temperaments. The rest is too
painful. It was a rout. The poet did not shoot, so that when Martin
returned of an evening his rival was about five hours of soul-to-soul
talk up and only two to play. And those two, the after-dinner hours,
which had once been the hours for which Martin had lived, were pure
torture.
So engrossed was he with his thoughts that the first intimation he had
that he was not alone in the room was a genteel cough. Behind him,
holding a small can, was Keggs.
'Your 'ot water, sir,' said the butler, austerely but not unkindly.
Keggs was a man--one must use that word, though it seems grossly
inadequate--of medium height, pigeon-toed at the base, bulgy half-way
up, and bald at the apex. His manner was restrained and dignified, his
voice soft and grave.
But it was his eye that quelled Martin. That cold, blue,
dukes-have-treated-me-as-an-elder-brother eye.
He fixed it upon him now, as he added, placing the can on the floor.
'It is Frederick's duty, but tonight I hundertook it.'
Martin had no answer. He was dazed. Keggs had spoken with the proud
humility of an emperor compelled by misfortune to shine shoes.
'Might I have a word with you, sir?'
'Ye-e-ss, yes,' stammered Martin. 'Won't you take a--I mean, yes,
certainly.'
'It is perhaps a liberty,' began Keggs. He paused, and raked Martin
with the eye that had rested on dining dukes.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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