The Man Upstairs and Other StoriesWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories, English
'Ah--Mary!' Joe chuckled. 'I'll tell you something I didn't tell Eddy.
It wasn't entirely through carelessness that I posted those letters in
the wrong envelopes. In fact, to be absolutely frank, it wasn't through
carelessness at all. There's an old gentleman in Pittsburgh by the name
of John Longwood, who occasionally is good enough to inform me of some
of his intended doings on the market a day or so before the rest of the
world knows them, and Eddy has always shown a strong desire to get
early information too. Do you remember my telling you that your
predecessor at the office left a little abruptly? There was a reason. I
engaged her as a confidential secretary, and she overdid it. She
confided in Eddy. From the look on your face as I came in I gathered
that he had just been proposing that you should perform a similar act
of Christian charity. Had he?'
Mary clenched her hands.
'It's this awful New York!' she cried. 'Eddy was never like that in
Dunsterville.'
'Dunsterville does not offer quite the same scope,' said Joe.
'New York changes everything,' Mary returned. 'It has changed Eddy--it
has changed you.'
He bent towards her and lowered his voice.
'Not altogether,' he said. 'I'm just the same in one way. I've tried to
pretend I had altered, but it's no use. I give it up. I'm still just
the same poor fool who used to hang round staring at you in
Dunsterville.'
A waiter was approaching the table with the air, which waiters
cultivate, of just happening by chance to be going in that direction.
Joe leaned farther forward, speaking quickly.
'And for whom,' he said, 'you didn't care a single, solitary snap of
your fingers, Mary.'
She looked up at him. The waiter hovered, poising for his swoop.
Suddenly she smiled.
'New York has changed me too, Joe,' she said.
'Mary!' he cried.
'Ze pill, sare,' observed the waiter.
Joe turned.
'Ze what!' he exclaimed. 'Well, I'm hanged! Eddy's gone off and left me
to pay for his lunch! That man's a wonder! When it comes to brain-work,
he's in a class by himself.' He paused. 'But I have the luck,' he said.
THE TUPPENNY MILLIONAIRE
In the crowd that strolled on the Promenade des Etrangers, enjoying the
morning sunshine, there were some who had come to Roville for their
health, others who wished to avoid the rigours of the English spring,
and many more who liked the place because it was cheap and close to
Monte Carlo.
None of these motives had brought George Albert Balmer. He was there
because, three weeks before, Harold Flower had called him a vegetable.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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