The Man Upstairs and Other StoriesWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories, English
What is it that makes men do perilous deeds? Why does a man go over
Niagara Falls in a barrel? Not for his health. Half an hour with a
skipping-rope would be equally beneficial to his liver. No; in nine
cases out of ten he does it to prove to his friends and relations that
he is not the mild, steady-going person they have always thought him.
Observe the music-hall acrobat as he prepares to swing from the roof by
his eyelids. His gaze sweeps the house. 'It isn't true,' it seems to
say. 'I'm not a jelly-fish.'
It was so with George Balmer.
In London at the present moment there exist some thousands of
respectable, neatly-dressed, mechanical, unenterprising young men,
employed at modest salaries by various banks, corporations, stores,
shops, and business firms. They are put to work when young, and they
stay put. They are mussels. Each has his special place on the rock, and
remains glued to it all his life.
To these thousands George Albert Balmer belonged. He differed in no
detail from the rest of the great army. He was as respectable, as
neatly-dressed, as mechanical, and as unenterprising. His life was
bounded, east, west, north, and south, by the Planet Insurance Company,
which employed him; and that there were other ways in which a man might
fulfil himself than by giving daily imitations behind a counter of a
mechanical figure walking in its sleep had never seriously crossed his
mind.
On George, at the age of twenty-four, there descended, out of a dear
sky, a legacy of a thousand pounds.
Physically, he remained unchanged beneath the shock. No trace of hauteur
crept into his bearing. When the head of his department, calling his
attention to a technical flaw in his work of the previous afternoon,
addressed him as 'Here, you--young what's-your-confounded-name!' he
did not point out that this was no way to speak to a gentleman of
property. You would have said that the sudden smile of Fortune had
failed to unsettle him.
But all the while his mind, knocked head over heels, was lying in a
limp heap, wondering what had struck it.
To him, in his dazed state, came Harold Flower. Harold, messenger to the
Planet Insurance Company and one of the most assiduous money-borrowers
in London, had listened to the office gossip about the legacy as if to
the strains of some grand, sweet anthem. He was a bibulous individual
of uncertain age, who, in the intervals of creeping about his duties,
kept an eye open for possible additions to his staff of creditors. Most
of the clerks at the Planet had been laid under contribution by him in
their time, for Harold had a way with him that was good for threepence
any pay-day, and it seemed to him that things had come to a sorry pass
if he could not extract something special from Plutocrat Balmer in his
hour of rejoicing.
Throughout the day he shadowed George, and, shortly before closing-time,
backed him into a corner, tapped him on the chest, and requested the
temporary loan of a sovereign.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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