The Man Upstairs and Other StoriesWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories, English
'Please don't trouble,' said Ruth, in the haughty manner which had
frequently withered unfortunate fellow-exiles in their tracks.
It had no such effect on Mr Vince.
'I shall like it,' he said.
Ruth set her teeth. She would see whether he would like it.
They left Mr Warden, who shot in at the casino door like a homing
rabbit, and walked on in silence, which lasted till Ruth, suddenly
becoming aware that her companion's eyes were fixed on her face, turned
her head, to meet a gaze of complete, not to say loving, admiration.
She flushed. She was accustomed to being looked at admiringly, but
about this particular look there was a subtle quality that
distinguished it from the ordinary--something proprietorial.
Mr Vince appeared to be a young man who wasted no time on conventional
conversation-openings.
'Do you believe in affinities, Miss Warden?' he said,
'No,' said Ruth.
'You will before we've done,' said Mr Vince, confidently. 'Why did you
try to snub me just now?'
'Did I?'
'You mustn't again. It hurts me. I'm a sensitive man. Diffident. Shy.
Miss Warden, will you marry me?'
Ruth had determined that nothing should shake her from her icy
detachment, but this did. She stopped with a gasp, and stared at him.
Mr Vince reassured her.
'I don't expect you to say "Yes". That was just a beginning--the shot
fired across the bows by way of warning. In you, Miss Warden, I have
found my affinity. Have you ever considered this matter of affinities?
Affinities are the--the--Wait a moment.'
He paused, reflecting.
'I--' began Ruth.
''Sh!' said the young man, holding up his hand.
Ruth's eyes flashed. She was not used to having ''Sh!' said to her by
young men, and she resented it.
'I've got it,' he declared, with relief. 'I knew I should, but these
good things take time. Affinities are the zero on the roulette-board of
life. Just as we select a number on which to stake our money, so do we
select a type of girl whom we think we should like to marry. And just
as zero pops up instead of the number, so does our affinity come along
and upset all our pre-conceived notions of the type of girl we should
like to marry.'
'I--' began Ruth again.
'The analogy is in the rough at present. I haven't had time to condense
and polish it. But you see the idea. Take my case, for instance. When I
saw you a couple of days ago I knew in an instant that you were my
affinity. But for years I had been looking for a woman almost your
exact opposite. You are dark. Three days ago I couldn't have imagined
myself marrying anyone who was not fair. Your eyes are grey. Three days
ago my preference for blue eyes was a by-word. You have a shocking
temper. Three days ago--'
'Mr Vince!'
'There!' said that philosopher, complacently. 'You stamped. The gentle,
blue-eyed blonde whom I was looking for three days ago would have
drooped timidly. Three days ago my passion for timid droopers amounted
to an obsession.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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