The Man Upstairs and Other StoriesWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories, English
Although this story is concerned principally with the Man and the Maid,
the Miasma pervades it to such an extent that I feel justified in
putting his name on the bills. Webster's Dictionary gives the meaning
of the word 'miasma' as 'an infection floating in the air; a deadly
exhalation'; and, in the opinion of Mr Robert Ferguson, his late
employer, that description, though perhaps a little too flattering, on
the whole summed up Master Roland Bean pretty satisfactorily. Until the
previous day he had served Mr Ferguson in the capacity of office-boy;
but there was that about Master Bean which made it practically
impossible for anyone to employ him for long. A syndicate of Galahad,
Parsifal, and Marcus Aurelius might have done it, but to an ordinary
erring man, conscious of things done which should not have been done,
and other things equally numerous left undone, he was too oppressive.
One conscience is enough for any man. The employer of Master Bean had
to cringe before two. Nobody can last long against an office-boy whose
eyes shine with quiet, respectful reproof through gold-rimmed
spectacles, whose manner is that of a middle-aged saint, and who
obviously knows all the Plod and Punctuality books by heart and orders
his life by their precepts. Master Bean was a walking edition of
_Stepping-Stones to Success, Millionaires who Have Never Smoked_,
and _Young Man, Get up Early_. Galahad, Parsifal, and Marcus
Aurelius, as I say, might have remained tranquil in his presence, but
Robert Ferguson found the contract too large. After one month he had
braced himself up and sacked the Punctual Plodder.
Yet now he was sitting in his office, long after the last clerk had
left, long after the hour at which he himself was wont to leave, his
mind full of his late employee.
Was this remorse? Was he longing for the touch of the vanished hand,
the gleam of the departed spectacles? He was not. His mind was full of
Master Bean because Master Bean was waiting for him in the outer
office; and he lingered on at his desk, after the day's work was done,
for the same reason. Word had been brought to him earlier in the
evening, that Master Roland Bean would like to see him. The answer to
that was easy: 'Tell him I'm busy.' Master Bean's admirably dignified
reply was that he understood how great was the pressure of Mr
Ferguson's work, and that he would wait till he was at liberty.
Liberty! Talk of the liberty of the treed possum, but do not use the
word in connexion with a man bottled up in an office, with Roland Bean
guarding the only exit.
Mr Ferguson kicked the waste-paper basket savagely. The unfairness of
the thing hurt him. A sacked office-boy ought to stay sacked. He had no
business to come popping up again like Banquo's ghost. It was not
playing the game.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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