And having discharged this volley she stood panting lividly, as if
viewing my ruins. At the moment however I could not consider her. I
knew only that flashes of red appeared before my eyes, that I spoke the
literal truth when I told her:
"To me such an action and the person guilty of it would be equally
contemptible."
"You say that to me?" she gasped, taking a step forward, with a
colorable imitation of incredulity, strange in view of her denial.
"To you—yes," I told her, quietly enough, for now I was more master of
myself. "And contemptible is only a mild euphemism for what I should
really think." She stared at me speechless for a moment.
"_You_ think!" she uttered in mocking scorn. "You’ve posed as a sort of
God’s fool—but what you are is the devil’s tool."
"Take care, Gertrude," I warned her. "You might say something that you
will regret even more."
She waved me contemptuously away.
"I’ll say this," she returned in level tones, seating herself and
clenching her hands in an effort at control—but in reality she was
beginning a new offensive. "You’d better go home, Ranny, and make up
your mind to send that girl away. All men are rotten. But it’s because
I thought you were different that—that—" she did not finish, but added:
"And to have you gathering in girls from the gutter—"
"Stop!" I cried, "I won’t hear another word," and turned away as if to
go, not trusting myself to say more.
"Come back!" she called, jumping from the sofa. "Come back and listen:
Either you send that girl away or I’ll have nothing more to do with you.
Is that understood?"
I laughed at her mirthlessly.
"Choose between her and me," she uttered with the touch of melodrama
that few women seem to escape.
"Don’t be theatrical," I told her, now more in control of myself. "That
girl makes it possible for me to bring up Laura’s children. She is no
more to me than any of the others. But however that may be, she
stays—understand that, please, Gertrude: she stays!"
"Then you’ve chosen?" she demanded in livid stupefaction.
"I’ve announced no choice. But the girl stays."
"Thank God!" she lifted her hands upwards, and I hope her prayer was
acceptable. "I knew I was tied to a fool," she added, as though I had
been holding her enchained, "but I did not know he was a knave as well.
I’m free at last!"
I walked out without trusting myself to make reply.
I sincerely hope Gertrude will enjoy her freedom more than she did her
bondage. Anyway, I am glad she has entered a denial.
As I walked home under a starry sky, however, I was amazed to feel my
anger cooling rapidly; the sense of defeat, of disappointment with human
nature, giving way to a new feeling of freedom, to an elation I had not
experienced in years. I definitely felt a leap of exhilaration in the
wake of the other mingled emotions. It took me by surprise.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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