"About half-past six—the train gets here at six thirty-five. You take
them into the garden—and keep them there until after the men come, and—I
call you."
"Yes—Uncle Ranny," she whispered—"but, oh, please don’t worry about it
so much!"
"No, my dear," I murmured and at that moment I felt closer to her than
to any other living being. To take the children out of the house upon
the coming of their father—it sounded like a funeral. And it was at
that moment—my funeral. And the rest of the afternoon was a blur and
the encompassing world was a shadow. It was broken; no, it was too
insubstantial for breaking. It kept thinning and receding away from me
and I was left a dully throbbing entity in the primal chaos before
Creation.
I was startled at last by hearing the wheezy groan of an aged taxi
outside and like the galvanized corpse I was, I felt my members heavily
stirring and propelling me to the door.
On the path in the curiously sickly light of a premature dusk under a
clouded, lifeless sky I saw Dibdin and Pendleton, slightly stooping
forward to the slope, walking toward me. That moment of poignant joy at
seeing Dibdin, of exquisite pain on beholding Pendleton—I shall never
forget it!
"Dibdin!" I cried, rushing at his hand and clinging to it to defer as
long as possible touching the other’s. Then, after ages it seemed, my
eyes slowly turned to the tall figure of Pendleton and rested on the
fleshy face, somewhat loose and pendulous, smooth-shaven and purplish,
with eyes that fell before my own. Finally I disengaged my hand and
held it out to him. I could not do otherwise.
"Jim," I murmured and my voice had labored over a universe of barriers
to achieve that. But I could utter no more.
He peered at me from his protruding eyes as though he also were
struggling, struggling with memory and with memories, with a teeming
past, with all that he had been and committed, and for an instant I felt
sorry for him.
"Come in," I breathed deeply, and we made our way into the house and
into my study.
"Randolph," Pendleton finally uttered with a profound sigh, and then I
recalled that he was playing a part. To me the appalling reality of the
whole episode had been so excruciating that momentarily I forgot that he
was in all likelihood playing a part. But was he? How could he? In the
face of these children, in the face of all he is guilty of, how could he
play a part, when the truth would raise him almost to a kind of manhood?
I cannot give him the benefit of the doubt and yet I cannot wholly doubt
him. Some idiotic simplicity or imbecility inside me makes it
impossible for me to envisage any creature in human form as so
consummate a villain. Perhaps—perhaps there is something—
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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