“Don't prate of duty and necessity. You mean self-love and
self-interest. Man, be honest. Because this woman is an obstacle in your
career, you would sacrifice her. It is boundless, pitiless selfishness.
Suppose you abandon her, dare you think of her without shame! She loves
you, she trusts you, and she has given you proof of her love and trust.
Hold your tongue. Don't dare to whisper that nobody knows it but you
and heir--that you will be silent, that she will have no temptation to
speak. She loves you. She has given you all. God bless her!”
Affectionate pity swept down the selfish man in him. As the lights of
the town appeared on his path, he was saying to himself boldly, “Since
either way there is trouble, I'll do as I said last night--I'll leave
Heaven to decide whether I'm to be a great man or a little man, and
decide for myself whether I'm to be a true man or a happy man. I'll take
my heart in my hand and go right forward.”
In this temper he returned to his chambers. The rooms fronted to Athol
Street, but backed on to the churchyard of St. George's. They were
quiet, and not overlooked. His lamp was lit. The servant was laying the
cloth.
“Lay covers for two, Jemmy,” said Philip. Then he began to hum
something.
Presently, in feeling for his keys, his fingers touched an unfamiliar
substance in his pocket. He remembered what it was. It was the cracked
medallion of his father. He could not bear to look at it. Unlocking a
chest, he buried it at the bottom under a pile of winter clothing.
This recalled a possession yet more painful, and going to a desk, he
drew out the packet of his father's letters and proceeded to hide them
away with the medallion. As he did so his hand trembled, his limbs
shook, he felt giddy, and he thought the voice that had tormented him
with conflicting taunts was ringing in his ears again. “Bury him deep!
Bury your father out of all sight and all remembrance. Bury his love
of you, his hopes of you, his expectations and dreams of you. Bury and
forget him for ever.”
Philip hesitated a moment, and then banged down the lid of the chest,
and relocked it as his servant returned to the room. The man was a
solemn, dignified, and reticent person, who had been groom to the late
Bishop. His gravity he had acquired from his horses, his dignity from
his master; but his reticence he had created for himself, being a thing
beyond nature in creature or man. His proper name was Cottier; he had
always been known as Jemy-Lord.
“Company not arrived, sir,” he said. “Wait or serve?”
“What is the time?” said Philip.
“Struck eight; but clock two minutes soon.”
“Serve the supper at once,” said Philip.
When the dishes had been brought in and the man dismissed, Philip,
taking his place at the table, drew from his button-hole a flower which
he had picked out of his water-bowl at lunch, and, first putting it to
his lips, he tossed it on to the empty place before the chair which had
been drawn up opposite. Then he sat down to eat.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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