“There can be nothing amiss except what I say. Just a glass too much
maybe and no great sin either, considering the day, and how proud he is,
for your sake, Philip. I believe in my heart that young man couldn't be
prouder and happier if he stood in your own shoes instead.”
“Good-night, Auntie,” said Philip, in a thick gurgle.
“Good-night, dear. I'm going to bed, and mind you go yourself.”
Being alone, Philip found himself leaning against the mantelpiece and
looking across at his father's picture. He began to contrast his father
with himself. He was a success, his father had been a failure. At
seven-and-twenty he was Deemster at all events; at thirty his father had
died a broken man. He had got what he had worked for; he had recovered
the place of his people; and yet how mean a man he was compared to him
who had done nothing and lost all.
Failure was all that his father had had to reproach himself with; but
he had to accuse himself of dishonour as well. His father's offence had
been a fault; his own was a crime. If his father had been willing to
betray love and friendship, he might have succeeded. Because he himself
had been true to neither, he had not failed. The very excess of his
father's virtues had kept him down. Every act of his own selfishness
had pushed him up. His father had thought first of love and truth and
an upright life, and last of money and rank and applause. The world had
renounced his father because his father had first renounced the world.
But it had opened its arms to him, and followed him with shouts and
cheers, and loaded him with honours. And yet, miserable man, better be
down in the ooze and slime of a broken life, better be dead and in the
grave--for the dead in his grave must despise him.
An awful picture rose before Philip. It was a picture of himself in the
time to come. An old man--great, powerful, perhaps even beloved, maybe
worshipped, but heart-dead, tottering on to the grave, and the mockery
of a gorgeous funeral, with crowds and drums and solemn music. Then
suddenly a great silence, as if the snow had begun to fall, and a great
white light, and an awful voice crying, “Who is this that comes with
dust for a bleeding heart, and ashes for a living soul?”
Philip screamed aloud at the vision, as piece by piece he put it
together. His cry died off with a tingle in the china ornaments of the
mantelpiece, and he remembered where he was. Then two gentle taps came
to the door of his room. He composed himself a little, snatched up a
book, and cried “Come in!”
It was Auntie Nan. She was in her night-dress and night-cap. A candle
was in her hand, and the flame was shaking.
“Whatever's to do, my child?” she said.
“Only reading aloud, Auntie. Did I awaken you?”
“But you screamed, Philip.”
“Macbeth, Auntie. See, the banquet scene. He has become king, you know,
but his conscience----”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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