And, looking at Effie, he saw that it was true. He had seen it from the
first and it bothered him profoundly. Effie had changed: there was, in
all they said, this noticeable stressing of the “now,” to differentiate
them from the “then.” What was it? Anne’s arguments, or the baby, or had
Effie, uninfluenced by either, really changed her mind about the Marbeck
treaty? he couldn’t believe that last. Marbeck was infallible and he was
dogged in the faith. He responded to the Marbeck creed like the needle
of a compass to the meridian, and if with this needle also there was
deflection it was corrected by his racial stubbornness. He had his
people’s queer, infatuated pride in the contemplation of their own
tenacity, even when, perhaps mostly when, it hurts to be tenacious.
Whereas Effie had known ever since Dubby Stewart brought her back from
cloud-land that Marbeck was very fallible indeed, or, rather, Marbeck
was one thing and living up to Marbeck was another. If he had said,
instead of only thinking, that she was a lower Effie now, she would not
have contradicted him, though she did not want a wedding ring of either
metal. She wanted Sam. She was changed from the idealist who thought she
could be happy as a sign-post and a spiritual guide. She had come down
to Mother Earth where men and women live. At Marbeck they were on an
altitude where the air was too rarefied for human lungs, and she wanted
to fall with Sam from selflessness to mere humanity.
“No,” she agreed again with Anne, “I should not send you now.”
“I shall have to think this out,” he said. Effie admitted to being
earthly, and he was horribly dismayed! “Effie,” he cried in pain, “don’t
you see?” he wanted desperately to be understood by her, if not by Anne.
“I see,” she said, and not without pride either. Whatever was fine in
him, whatever reacted from an Eflie come to earth, was due to her,
and she was proud of him even when, as now, he used her tempered steel
against her.
Anne watched with a grim appreciation his anxiety to make a pikestaff
plain. “We all see,” she said. “You’re none so deep and we’re none so
daft as all that. You’ve got a maggot in your brain, and I know the
shape of it. I’ve had the same in mine, and if you’ll think back ten
years, you’ll know what I mean. We’re the same breed, Sam, and we can
both do silly things and stand by then and suffer for them. I flitted
from you to Madge, and I didn’t set eyes on you from that day till last
night. That’s what I mean by suffering.”
And there, in those few words, the tragedy of ten years stood confessed.
Parted from Sam, she lived in exile, suffering, and, of course, he had
known it and deliberately forgot it, so that the point of her revelation
was not its truth, but the amazing fact that she should speak of it at
all. Anne had the pride which suffers silently.
“Mother!” he said, distressed for her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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