“They talk about having the courage of one’s opinions. Confound it! Why
haven’t I the nerve for my character? Hang this heart of mine! Will it
never stop thumping?”
He sat up and looked about him, then rose and walked toward the table;
but his head began to swim, and his eyes to darken; so he fell back
again in his seat, feeling drowsy and beaten. Mechanically he began
to move the hand that hung over the arm of his low chair, and it
encountered a newspaper which had fallen on the floor. He lifted it
automatically and without thought: it was the _Times_. Perhaps to try
his eyes, and see if they served him again after his collapse, he ran
them down the columns of the advertisements.
Suddenly something caught his attention; his whole lax figure grew
braced again as he read a passage steadily through more than twice or
thrice. When he had quite mastered this, he threw down the paper and
gave a low whistle.
“So the old boy’s dead,” he reflected; “and that drunken tattooed ass
and his daughter are to come in for the money and the mines! They’ll be
clever that find him, and I shan’t give them his address! What luck some
men have!”
Here he fell into deep thought, his brows and lips working eagerly.
“I’ll do it,” he said at last, cutting the advertisement out of the
paper with a penknife. “It isn’t often a man has a chance to _star_ in
this game of existence. I’ve lost all my own social Lives: one in
that business at Oxford, one in the row at Ali Musjid, and the third
went--to-night. But I’ll _star_. Every sinner should desire a new Life,”
he added with a sneer.*
* “Starring” is paying for a new “Life” at Pool.
He rose, steady enough now, walked to the door, paused and listened,
heard the excited voices in the card-room still discussing him, slunk
down-stairs, took his hat and greatcoat, and swaggered past the porter.
Mechanically he felt in his pocket, as he went out of the porch, for his
cigarette-case; and he paused at the little fount of fire at the door.
He was thinking that he would never light a cigarette there again.
Presently he remembered, and swore. He had left his case on the table
of the card-room, where Barton had laid it down, and he had not the
impudence to send back for it.
“_Vile damnum!_” he muttered (for he had enjoyed a classical education),
and so disappeared in the frosty night.
CHAPTER II.--In the Snow.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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