"Bless me!" cried Caroline to the husband, "have you no fear for your
wife and child?"
He understood the gesture, if not the words, and called out to his wife
not to drop the little one, then launched forth anew in a dismal air,
which resembled a religious chant.
Caroline soon became used to the dizziness; she would not be tempted
into turning her back to the precipice, as the peasant motioned for her
to do. The country was so fine and so strange, the splendor of the moon
made it look so terrible, that she was unwilling to lose anything of the
novel spectacle. In the angles of the ascent, when the oxen had turned
the fore wheels, and the log still held the hind wheels to their former
course until they threatened to go over the brink, the astonished
traveller unconsciously stiffened herself up a little on her stirrup of
rope. Then the driver would speak to his oxen in a calm and gentle tone,
and his voice, which seemed to adapt their docile steps to the least
unevenness of the ground, reassured Caroline as if it had been the voice
of a mysterious spirit shaping her destiny.
"And yet why should I be afraid?" she asked herself. "Why should I cling
to a life which will be henceforth full of dread?--to a succession of
days which in prospect are a hundred times more frightful than death! If
I fell into this chasm, I should be instantly crushed. And even if I
suffered an hour or two before my death, what would that be compared
with the years of sorrow, loneliness, and perhaps despair, which await
me!"
We see that Caroline at last had owned to her love and her grief. Their
full extent she had not yet measured, and, as she thought about that
instinctive love of life which had just made her shudder, bold as she
was by nature, she tried to persuade herself that it was a
presentiment,--a celestial promise of speedy relief. "Who knows! Perhaps
I shall forget sooner than I think. Have I any right to wish for death!
Can I even afford to give way to grief, and waste my strength! Can my
sister and her children do without me? Do I want them to live on the
charity of those who have driven me away? Must I not soon go to work
again, and, in order to work, shall I not be obliged to forget
everything that is not work?"
And then she was troubled even by her own courage. "What," she said to
herself again,--"what if this were only a snare of hope!" Some of M. de
Villemer's words came back to her, and certain phrases in his book that
showed a wonderful amount of energy, penetration, and perseverance.
Would such a man give up a plan he was bent upon, allowing himself to be
deceived by stratagem, and would he not have in its highest power that
divining sense which is a part of love!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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