It is certain that when I enter her apartment at the stroke of noon I
find her very different from what I left her the night before in the
midst of her drawing-room. She seems to grow ten years older every
night. I know that her maids make a long toilet for her, during which
she does not speak a single word to them, for she has a great contempt
for people whose language is vulgar. She becomes so annoyed by the
presence of these poor women (perhaps she has been sleepless, which also
annoys her desperately), that she appears half dead and is frightfully
pale when I first see her; but at the end of ten minutes this is no
longer the case; she becomes thoroughly waked up, and by the time the
Marquis arrives she has regained the ten years of the night.
Her correspondence, of which I ought to say nothing, although there is
not the least secret about it, is by no means a necessity of her
position or of her interests. It merely gratifies her need to talk with
her absent friends. It is, she says, a manner of speaking, of exchanging
ideas, which varies the only pleasure she knows, namely, that of being
in continual communication with the minds of others.
So be it! but, for my part, that would not be my taste, if I were
troubled with leisure. I would please myself only with those I loved,
and certainly the Marchioness cannot love very much the forty or fifty
persons to whom she writes, and the two or three hundred whom she
receives every week.
My taste, however, does not come into the question, and I will not
criticise her to whom I have given my liberty. That would be cowardly,
for, after all, if I did not esteem or respect her, I should be free to
betake myself elsewhere. Besides, supposing my respect and esteem are
cumbered by the endurance of certain eccentricities,--as I might
everywhere meet with eccentricities, and probably worse things,--I do
not see why I should look with a magnifying-glass upon those which I
want to put up with cheerfully and philosophically. Then, dear sister,
if I have happened to blame or ridicule any one or anything here, take
it as having escaped me inadvertently, and believe that with you I have
not cared to restrain myself; for, be assured, nothing troubles me or
gives me any real suffering.
The gist of all this is that in the soul of the Marchioness there is
something strong, warm, and therefore sincere, which really attaches me
to her and causes me to accept without the least repugnance the task of
diverting her and keeping her cheerful. I know very well, whatever she
may say, that I am something much worse than an attendant; I am a slave;
but I am so by my own will, and therefore I feel in my conscience as
free as the air. What is freer than the spirit of a captive, or of one
proscribed for his faith?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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