The custom of the time as to preaching was a sort of compromise
between reading a sermon and speaking extempore, a mode morally as
well as artistically false: the preacher learned his sermon by rote,
and repeated it--as much like the man he therein was not, and as
little like the parrot he was, as he could. It is no wonder, in such
an attempt, either that memory should fail a shy man, or assurance
an honest man. In Mr Graham’s case it was probably the former:
the practice was universal, and he could hardly yet have begun to
question it, so as to have had any conscience of evil. Blessedly,
however, for his dawning truth and well-being, he failed --failed
utterly--pitifully. His tongue clave to the roof of his mouth; his
lips moved, but shaped no sound; a deathly dew bathed his forehead;
his knees shook; and he sank at last to the bottom of the chamber
of his torture, whence, while his mother wept below, and his father
clenched hands of despair beneath the tails of his Sunday coat, he
was half led, half dragged down the steps by the bedral, shrunken
together like one caught in a shameful deed, and with the ghastly look
of him who has but just revived from the faint supervening on the
agonies of the rack. Home they crept together, speechless and hopeless
all three, to be thenceforth the contempt and not the envy of their
fellow-parishioners. For if the vulgar feeling towards the home-born
prophet is superciliousness, what must the sentence upon failure be in
ungenerous natures, to which every downfall of another is an uplifting
of themselves! But Mr Graham’s worth had gained him friends in the
presbytery, and he was that same week appointed to the vacant school of
another parish.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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