They were speaking low, and fondly hoped that they were not heard; but
Elinor’s ears and every faculty were quickened and almost every word
reached her. But she was too proud to take any notice. And perhaps these
dreary anticipations, on the whole, did her good, for her heart rose
against them, and any little possible doubts in her own mind were put
to sudden flight by the opposition and determination which flooded her
heart. This made her playing a little more unsteady than usual, and she
broke down several times in the middle of a “tune;” but nobody remarked
this: they were all fully occupied with their own thoughts.
All, at least, except John, who wandered uneasily about the room, now
studying the names of the books on the bookshelves--which he knew by
heart, now pulling the curtain aside to look out at the moonlight, now
pulling at the fronds of the great maidenhair in his distraction till
the table round was scattered with little broken leaves. He wanted to
keep out of that atmosphere of emotion which surrounded Elinor at the
piano. But it attracted him, all the same, as the light attracts a moth.
To get away from that, to make the severance which so soon must be a
perfect severance, was the only true policy he knew; for what was he to
her, and what could she be to him? He had already said everything which
a man in his position ought to say. He took out a book at last, and sat
down doggedly by the table to read, thus making another circle of
atmosphere, so to speak, another globe of isolated being in the little
room, while the two elder people talked low in the centre,
conventionally inaudible to the girl who was playing and the young man
who was reading. But John might as well have tried to solve some
tremendous problem as to read that book. He too heard every word the
elders were saying. He heard them with his own ears, and also he heard
them through the ears of Elinor, gauging the effect which every word
would have upon her. At last he could bear it no longer. He was driven
to her side to bear a part of her burden, even to prevent her from
hearing, which would be something. He resisted the impulse to throw down
his book, and only placed it very quietly on the table, and even in a
deliberate way, that there might be no appearance of feeling about
him--and made his way by degrees, pausing now and then to look at a
picture, though he knew them all by heart. Thus he arrived at last at
the piano, in what he flattered himself was an accidental way.
“Elinor, the stars are so bright over the combe, do come out. It is not
often they are so clear.”
“No,” she said, more with the movement of her lips than with any sound.
“Why not? You can’t want to play those old pieces just at this moment.
You will have plenty of time to play them to-morrow.”
She said “No” again, with a little impatient movement of her hands on
the keys and a look towards the others.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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