On leaving Grosvenor Square he had turned westward, moving rapidly till
the Marble Arch was reached; there, still oblivious to his surroundings,
he had crossed the roadway to the Edgware Road, passing along it to
the labyrinth of shabby streets that lie behind Paddington. Now, as he
glanced about him, he saw with some surprise how far he had come.
The damp remnants of the fog still hung about the house-tops in a filmy
veil; there were no glimpses of green to break the monotony of tone; all
was quiet, dingy, neglected. But to Chilcote the shabbiness was restful,
the subdued atmosphere a satisfaction. Among these sad houses, these
passers-by, each filled with his own concerns, he experienced a sense
of respite and relief. In the fashionable streets that bounded his own
horizon, if a man paused in his walk to work out an idea he instantly
drew a crowd of inquisitive or contemptuous eyes; here, if a man halted
for half an hour it was nobody's business but his own.
Enjoying this thought, he wandered on for close upon an hour, moving
from one street to another with steps that were listless or rapid, as
inclination prompted; then, still acting with vagrant aimlessness, he
stopped in his wanderings and entered a small eating-house.
The place was low-ceiled and dirty, the air hot and steaming with the
smell of food, but Chilcote passed through the door and moved to one
of the tables with no expression of disgust, and with far less furtive
watchfulness than he used in his own house. By a curious mental twist he
felt greater freedom, larger opportunities in drab surroundings such as
these than in the broad issues and weighty responsibilities of his own
life. Choosing a corner seat, he called for coffee; and there, protected
by shadow and wrapped in cigarette smoke, he set about imagining himself
some vagrant unit who had slipped his moorings and was blissfully
adrift.
The imagination was pleasant while it lasted, but with him nothing was
permanent. Of late the greater part of his sufferings had been comprised
in the irritable fickleness of all his aims--the distaste for and
impossibility of sustained effort in any direction. He had barely
lighted a second cigarette when the old restlessness fell upon him; he
stirred nervously in his seat, and the cigarette was scarcely burned out
when he rose, paid his small bill, and left the shop.
Outside on the pavement he halted, pulled out his watch, and saw
that two hours stretched in front before any appointment claimed his
attention. He wondered vaguely where he might go to--what he might do
in those two hours? In the last few minutes a distaste for solitude had
risen in his mind, giving the close street a loneliness that had escaped
him before.
As he stood wavering a cab passed slowly down the street. The sight of
a well-dressed man roused the cabman; flicking his whip, he passed
Chilcote close, feigning to pull up.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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