Having taken a definite step in any direction, it was not in
Loder's nature to wish it retraced. His face was set, but set with
determination, when he closed the outer door of his own rooms and passed
quietly down the stairs and out into the silent court. The thought of
Chilcote, his pitiable condition, his sordid environments, were
things that required a firm will to drive into the background of the
imagination; but a whole inferno of such visions would not have daunted
Loder on that morning as, unobserved by any eyes, he left the little
court-yard with its grass, its trees, its pavement--all so distastefully
familiar--and passed down the Strand towards life and action.
As he walked, his steps increased in speed and vigor. Now, for the first
time, he fully appreciated the great mental strain that he had undergone
in the past ten days--the unnatural tension; the suppressed, but
perpetual, sense of impending recall; the consequently high pressure at
which work, and even existence, had been carried on. And as he hurried
forward the natural reaction to this state of things came upon him in a
flood of security and confidence--a strong realization of the temporary
respite and freedom for which no price would have seemed too high. The
moment for which he had unconsciously lived ever since Chilcote's first
memorable proposition was within reach at last--safeguarded by his own
action.
The walk from Clifford's Inn to Grosvenor Square was long enough to
dispel any excitement that his interview had aroused; and long before
the well-known house came into view he felt sufficiently braced mentally
and physically to seek Eve in the morning-room--where he instinctively
felt she would still be waiting for him.
Thus he encountered and overpassed the obstacle that had so nearly
threatened ruin; and, with the singleness of purpose that always
distinguished him, he was able, once having passed it, to dismiss it
altogether from his mind. From the moment of his return to Chilcote's
house no misgiving as to his own action, no shadow of doubt, rose to
trouble his mind. His feelings on the matter were quite simple. He had
inordinately desired a certain opportunity; one factor had arisen to
debar that opportunity, and he, claiming the right of strength, had set
the barrier aside. In the simplicity of the reasoning lay its power
to convince; and were a tonic needed to brace him for his task, he was
provided with one in the masterful sense of a difficulty set at nought.
For the man who has fought and conquered one obstacle feels strong to
vanquish a score.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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