The Memoirs of Jacques Casanova de Seingalt, 1725-1798. Volume 11: Paris and HollandCasanova, Giacomo
History
The Memoirs of Jacques Casanova de Seingalt, 1725-1798. Volume 11: Paris and Holland
Casanova, Giacomo
Casanova, Giacomo, 1725-1798; Europe -- History -- 18th century -- Biography
I knew myself too well not to be aware that as a married man I should be
unhappy, and, consequently, with the best intentions I should fail in
making the woman's life a happy one. My uncertainty in the four days
which she had wisely left me convinced me that I was not in love with
her. In spite of that, so weak was I that I could not summon up courage
to reject her offer--still less to tell her so frankly, which would have
made her esteem me.
During these four days I was entirely absorbed in this one subject. I
bitterly repented of having outraged her modesty, for I now esteemed and
respected her, but yet I could not make up my mind to repair the wrong I
had done her. I could not bear to incur her dislike, but the idea of
tying myself down was dreadful to me; and such is the condition of a man
who has to choose between two alternatives, and cannot make up his mind.
Fearing lest my evil genius should take me to the opera or elsewhere, and
in spite of myself make me miss my appointment, I resolved to dine with
the Lambertini without having come to any decision. The pious niece of
the Pope was at mass when I reached her house. I found Tiretta engaged in
playing on the flute, but as soon as he saw me he dropped the instrument,
ran up to me, embraced me, and gave me back the money his suit had cost
me.
"I see you are in cash, old fellow; I congratulate you."
"It's a grievous piece of luck to me, for the money is stolen, and I am
sorry I have got it though I was an accomplice in the theft."
"What! the money is stolen?"
"Yes, sharping is done here, and I have been taught to help. I share in
their ill-gotten gains because I have not the strength of mind to refuse.
My landlady and two or three women of the same sort pluck the pigeons.
The business does not suit me, and I am thinking of leaving it. Sooner or
later I shall kill or be killed, and either event will be the death of
me, so I am thinking of leaving this cutthroat place as soon as
possible."
"I advise you--nay, I bid you do so by all means, and I should think you
had better be gone to-day than to-morrow."
"I don't want to do anything suddenly, as M. le Noir is a gentleman and
my friend, and he thinks me a cousin to this wretched woman. As he knows
nothing of the infamous trade she carries on, he would suspect something,
and perhaps would leave her after learning the reason of my departure. I
shall find some excuse or other in the course of the next five or six
days, and then I will make haste and return to you."
The Lambertini thanked me for coming to dinner in a friendly manner, and
told me that we should have the company of Mdlle. de la Meure and her
aunt. I asked her if she was still satisfied with my friend "Sixtimes,"
and she told me that though the count did not always reside on his manor,
she was for all that delighted with him; and said she,
"I am too good a monarch to ask too much of my vassals."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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