"Yes--in town--on the street--with his friends--attending to
business."
"May I stay here? I ordered my luggage to be sent here."
"Your room is ready and has always been ready and waiting since the
day you left. I think Anna has been putting fresh flowers in it
all autumn. You will find some there to-night. She has insisted
of late that you would soon be coming home."
An hour later she came down into the library again. She had
removed the traces of travel, and she had travelled slowly and was
not tired. All this enabled him to see how changed she was; and
without looking older, how strangely oldened and grown how quiet of
spirit. She had now indeed become sister for him to those images
of beauty that were always haunting him--those far, dim images of
the girlhood of her sex, with their faces turned away from the sun
and their eyes looking downward, pensive in shadow, too freighted
with thoughts of their brief fate and their immortality.
"I must have a long talk with you before I try to sleep. I must
empty my heart to you once."
He knew that she needed the relief, and that what she asked of him
during these hours would be silence.
"I have tried everything, and everything has failed. I have tried
absence, but absence has not separated me from him. I have tried
silence, but through the silence I have never ceased speaking to
him. Nothing has really ever separated us; nothing ever can. It
is more than will or purpose, it is my life. It is more than life
to me, it is love."
She spoke very quietly, and at first she seemed unable to progress
very far from the beginning. After every start, she soon came back
to that one beginning.
"It is of no use to weigh the right and the wrong of it: I tried
that at first, and I suppose that is why I made sad mistakes. You
must not think that I am acting now from a sense of duty to him or
to myself. Duty does not enter into my feeling: it is love; all
that I am forbids me to do anything else."
But after a while she went back and bared before him in a way the
history of her heart. "The morning after he told me, I went to
church. I remember the lessons of the day and the hymns, and how I
left the church before the sermon, because everything seemed to be
on his side, and no one was on mine. He had done wrong and was
guilty; and I had been wrong and was innocent; and the church
comforted him and overlooked me; and I was angry and walked out of
it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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