MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, I don't want either prose or verse. PHILOSOPHY MASTER: It must be one or the other. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Why? PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Because, sir, there is no other way to express oneself than with prose or verse. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: There is nothing but prose or verse? PHILOSOPHY MASTER: No, sir, everything that is not prose is verse, and everything that is not verse is prose. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: And when one speaks, what is that then? PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Prose. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What! When I say, "Nicole, bring me my slippers, and give me my nightcap," that's prose? PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Yes, Sir. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: By my faith! For more than forty years I have been speaking prose without knowing anything about it, and I am much obliged to you for having taught me that. I would like then to put into a note to her: "Beautiful marchioness, your lovely eyes make me die of love," but I want that put in a gallant manner and be nicely turned. PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Put it that the fires of her eyes reduce your heart to cinders; that you suffer night and day for her the torments of a... MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, no, no. I want none of that; I only want you to say "Beautiful marchioness, your lovely eyes make me die of love." PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The thing requires a little lengthening. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, I tell you, I want only those words in the note, but turned stylishly, well arranged, as is necessary. Please tell me, just to see, the diverse ways they could be put. PHILOSOPHY MASTER: One could put them first of all as you said them: "Beautiful marchioness, your lovely eyes make me die of love." Or else: "Of love to die make me, beautiful marchioness, your beautiful eyes." Or else: "Your lovely eyes, of love make me, beautiful marchioness, die." Or else: "Die, your lovely eyes, beautiful marchioness, of love make me." Or else: "Me make your lovely eyes die, beautiful marchioness, of love." MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: But, of all those ways, which is the best? PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The way you said it: "Beautiful marchioness, your lovely eyes make me die of love." MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I never studied, and yet I made the whole thing up at the first try. I thank you with all my heart, and I ask you to come tomorrow early. PHILOSOPHY MASTER: I shall not fail to do so. (He leaves). MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What? Hasn't my suit come yet? THE LACKEY: No, Sir. MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: That cursed tailor makes me wait all day when I have so much to do! I'm enraged. May the quartan fever shake that tormentor of a tailor! To the devil with the tailor! May the plague choke the tailor! If I had him here now, that detestable tailor, that dog of a tailor, that traitor of a tailor, I... ACT TWO SCENE V (Master Tailor, Apprentice Tailor carrying suit, Monsieur Jourdain, Lackeys) MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Ah! You're here! I was getting into a rage against you. MASTER TAILOR: I could not come sooner, and I put twenty men to work on your suit.