been matter of one's own life; in favour too of the mere returns
derivable from more inordinate curiosity. These Notes would enjoy small
self-respect, I think, if that principle, not to call it that passion,
didn't almost furiously ride them.
III
I was at any rate in the midst of sincerities enough, sincerities of
emphasis and "composition"; perversities, idiosyncrasies,
incalculabilities, delightful all as densities at first insoluble,
delightful even indeed as so much mere bewilderment and shock. When was
the shock, I ask myself as I look back, not so deadened by the general
atmospheric richness as not to melt more or less immediately into some
succulence for the mind, something that could feed the historic sense
almost to sweetness? I don't mean that it was a shock to be invited to
breakfast--there were stronger ones than that; but was in fact the
_trait de moeurs_ that disconnected me with most rapidity and
intensity from all I had left on the other side of the sea. To be so
disconnected, for the time, and in the most insidious manner, was above
all what I had come out for, and every appearance that might help it was
to be artfully and gratefully cultivated. I recollect well how many of
these combined as I sat at quite punctual fried sole and marmalade in
the comparatively disengaged sitting-room of the second floor--the
occupancy of the first has remained vague to me; disengaged from the
mantle of gloom the folds of which draped most heavily the feet of the
house, as it were, and thereby promoted in my own bower the chronic dusk
favourable to mural decoration consisting mainly of framed and glazed
"coloured" excisions from Christmas numbers of the Illustrated London
News that had been at their hour quite modern miracles. Was it for that
matter into a sudden splendour of the modern that I ascendingly emerged
under the hospitality of my kind fellow-tenant, or was it rather into
the fine classicism of a bygone age, as literature and the arts had
handed down that memory? Such were the questions whisked at every turn
under my nose and reducing me by their obscure charm but to bewildered
brooding, I fear, when I should have been myself, to repay these
attentions, quite forward and informing and affirmative.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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