If I was stared at in the Green Park the night before, I was still more so this night; but although I encountered the gaze and the sneers of hundreds, yet nobody dared to insult me directly. The greatest nuisance was, that the box in which I took my seat was crammed almost to suffocation with the _fair_ sex—so much so, that the whole pit stood up to observe us; and so tightly was I squeezed by these ladies, that not having room to display my figure and dress in a sufficiently graceful posture, I was obliged to sit upright, like a gentleman in a vapour-bath. And indeed the simile bears in another way upon the fact; for I felt all the sudorific effects of vapour-bathing, occasioned partly by the perfume of the ladies, partly by the eternal gaze of the spectators, and partly from the tightness of my stock, sash, and sword-belt. I found very soon that my situation was by no means enviable, and I accordingly removed from the box, to better myself by a walk in the saloon; but here I found matters still worse. I was in a moment surrounded by a myriad of damsels, and about as many dandies—the latter of whom became by far the most annoying. I was literally hustled to and fro without being able to keep my legs, while liberties of every description were taken with my dress: one plucked me by the skirts of my coat; another half-drew my sword, while a third (a tall Irish _lady_) ran off with my cocked hat, to strut about in it, and burlesque my style of walking, &c. All this was done with the best possible humour on _their_ parts, but as to _myself_,—I must confess, I was most particularly annoyed, though I found it of no use to appear so: therefore I laughed, or seemed to laugh with my persecutors, like Mirabel in the play. However, I found that a quiet retreat was the most advisable manœuvre, and accordingly seized a favourable opportunity of “bolting in double quick time” out of the theatre, amidst crowds of dirty link boys, who drew the attention of the whole world upon me with “_Coach, General_”—“_Noble Commander_”—“_Royal Highness_,” and the rest, until I found myself absolutely wedged in by a throng of greasy ragamuffins, and the wonder of a hundred passers by. “O curse the regimentals! I wish I were in a sack,” thought I, as I ploughed my way out of the crowd, which I had not distanced many yards, when I was assailed by dozens of drunken stragglers with “_heads up, sodger_,”—“_lobster, hoi!_” &c. and was at length absolutely jostled into the gutter by three impudent cheesemongers, from Bread Street, Cheapside. The honour of the profession was fired; “D——!” thought I, “is this fit treatment for one of his Majesty's Ensigns?” so seizing the nearest fellow by the collar, I pulled him, much against his will, over to a watchman, who stood within about a dozen yards of us, and gave him in charge to the man of corners, together with his two comrades, who had followed him closely. “_Charge_, Chester, _charge_.”