_Ensign Buckskin._ Come, ask the gentleman himself who tied him in the bed; he knows more about it than you do, a great jackass as he is. _Ensign Luby._ (_to the Donkey._) Who tied you, Sir?--hic--eh?--He won’t answer. _Ensign Simple._ I see you are all leagued against me, because I don’t squander my money amongst you; but I’ll have satisfaction--that I’m resolved on. (_Ensign Luby, inattentive to the last observation, mounts the donkey and rides him round the mess-table, while Buckskin gives a tremendous view halloo! During the uproar, the Major-commanding enters with his servant, frothing at the mouth with passion._ _Major._ Turn that donkey out directly. What _can_ all this mean? Mr. Short, I am surprised that _you_, who have been a member of a _regimental_ mess, should join in such disgraceful proceedings. Who brought this animal here? _Several Voices._ Mr. Simple. _Major._ Then, Mr. Simple, go to your room. Consider yourself in arrest. _Ensign Simple._ I am not to blame, Major. _Major._ Go to your room, Sir. I’ll not hear a word to-night; your conduct is disgraceful. _Ensign Simple._ I am not the person. _Major._ You brought the ass into the mess-room, Sir. _Ensign Simple._ I found him in my bed, Sir, and covered with my bed-clothes: it is impossible that I can sleep in my room to-night, from the horrid state in which the animal has left it. (_The Major’s ire could not bear up against this; he struggled against an involuntary laugh, and had nearly overcome it, when a certain motion of the animal, and a grotesque elevation of his tail put an end to all his efforts to be severe; so he gave way to a hearty fit of laughter, in which all but Simple joined._ _Major._ Take the cursed brute away, you Sir. (_Pat the servant pulls the Donkey out of the room._ _Pat._ He’s a horrid headsthrong baste as ever I pult. (_Exeunt Pat and Donkey, followed by the mess-waiter._