"You have heard him preach, and you know he was not lacking in genius;
but you have not heard him speak, eye to eye and hand to hand. It was
there his power came in, and there, too, perhaps, his greatest
temptation. For he was one for women to love, and it is not always easy
to modify a naturally magnetic look and tone because the hand that
touches yours is shy and white, and the glance which steals up to meet
your own has within it the hint of unconscious worship. Yet what he
could do he did; for, unknown, perhaps, to any one here, he was engaged
to be married, as so many young ministers are, to a girl he had met
while at college.
"I do not mean to go into too many particulars, Constance. He did not
love this girl, but he meant to be true to her. He was even contented
with the prospect of marrying her, till----Oh, Constance, I almost
forget that he is gone, and that my own life is at an end, when I think
of that day, six months ago--the day when we first met, and, without
knowing it, first loved. And then the weeks which followed when each
look was an event, and a passing word the making or the marring of a
day. I did not know what it all meant; but he realized only too soon
the precipice upon which we stood, and I began to see him less, and
find him more reserved when, by any chance, we were thrown together.
His cheek grew paler, too, and his health wavered. A struggle was going
on in his breast--a struggle of whose depth and force I had little
conception then, for I dared not believe he loved me, though I knew by
this time he was bound to another who would never be a suitable
companion for him.
"At last he became so ill, he was obliged to quit his work, and for a
month I did not see him, though only a short square separated us. He
was slowly yielding to an insidious disease, some said; and I had to
bear the pain of this uncertainty, as well as the secret agony of my
own crushed and broken heart.
"But one morning--shall I ever forget it?--the door opened, and he,
_he_ came in where I was, and without saying a word, knelt down by my
side, and drew my head forward and laid it on his breast. I thought at
first it was a farewell, and trembled with a secret anguish that was
yet strangely blissful, for did not the passionate constraint of his
arms mean love? But when, after a moment that seemed a lifetime, I drew
back and looked into his face, I saw it was not a farewell, but a
greeting, he had brought me, and that we had not only got our pastor
back to life, but that this pastor was a lover as well, who would marry
the woman he loved.
"And I was right. In ten minutes I knew, that a sudden freak on the
part of the girl he was engaged to had released him, without fault of
his own, and that with this release new life had entered his veins, for
the conflict was over and love and duty were now in harmony.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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