The 'Mind the Paint' Girl: A Comedy in Four ActsPinero, Arthur Wing
General
The 'Mind the Paint' Girl: A Comedy in Four Acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
Comedy plays; English drama
Sorry, sorry, sorry. [_Leaning back and thrusting his hands into his
pocket._] Well, I'll put Jack and the Linthornes off. They don't want
to sup with _me_; I shouldn't amuse 'em. [_Gazing at the carpet._] Her
birthday, though! It'll be the first time I shall have been out of
_that_ for-- how many years?-- six years. I---- [_Raising his head, he
detects MRS. UPJOHN and ROPER eyeing each other uncomfortably._]
Anything the matter?
ROPER.
T-t-the matter?
JEYES.
[_Taking his hands from his pockets and sitting upright._] Any game
on?
MRS. UPJOHN.
Game?
JEYES.
At my expense?
MRS. UPJOHN.
I dun'no wot you're drivin' at, Captain.
JEYES.
[_Harshly._] How long's Lily sitting this afternoon?
MRS. UPJOHN.
Till five.
JEYES.
[_Looking at his watch._] What's Morgan's number in Fitzroy Street?
MRS. UPJOHN.
Sixty.
JEYES.
[_Rising._] I'll fetch her.
[_As he makes a movement towards the door, it is thrown open and LILY
PARRADELL enters with a rush-- an entrancing vision of youth, grace,
and beauty. She is followed by JIMMIE BIRCH, a _petite_, bright-eyed
girl in an extremely _chic_ costume._
LILY.
[_Tearing off her gloves as she enters._] Wh-e-e-w! I'm dead! [_Giving
her hand to JEYES carelessly._] Ah, Nicko! [_To MRS. UPJOHN._]
I couldn't stand the heat in the studio any longer, mother. [_Finding
ROPER beside her, she offers her cheek to him and he kisses it._] _Mon
Oncle!_
JIMMIE.
[_Closing the door._] That young man Morgan ought to paint the
infernal regions.
LILY.
[_Taking her scarf from her shoulder._] He might finish with the
angels first, though. [_To JEYES, softly, as ROPER turns to shake
hands with JIMMIE._] You in a better temper to-day?
JEYES.
[_In her ear._] You drove me wild last night.
LILY.
[_Making a face at him._] Served you right. [_Passing him._] For God's
sake, let me lie down. [_She throws herself upon the settee in front
of the writing-table, and JEYES moves away as MRS. UPJOHN and ROPER go
to her._] Don't come near me. Give me my fan. Jimmie, where's my fan?
JIMMIE.
Oh, I've left it in Fitzroy Street!
LILY.
Beast!
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Hurrying to the writing-table._] There's one 'ere, among your
presents.
LILY.
[_Unpinning her hat._] Uncle Lal, what an adorable ring that is you've
sent me!
ROPER.
[_Taking the fan from MRS. UPJOHN._] Ring! A brooch!
LILY.
_Somebody's_ sent me a ring.
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Sitting in the chair at the end of the settee by the writing-table._]
There's three rings.
LILY.
Of course! One of them's from Nicko! [_To JEYES._] Did you get my
sweet telegram, Nicko?
JEYES.
[_Who has greeted JIMMIE and is now seated in the chair on the extreme
left-- sulkily._] I had your telegram, but it's a _pendant_ I sent
you.
JIMMIE.
[_Sitting upon the settee by the piano and pulling off her gloves._]
Ha, ha, ha!
LILY.
You shut up, Jimmie. [_Snatching the fan from ROPER._] How on earth am
I to remember! [_Fanning herself._] Who's given me _this_ pretty
thing?
MRS. UPJOHN.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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