The 'Mind the Paint' Girl: A Comedy in Four ActsPinero, Arthur Wing
General
The 'Mind the Paint' Girl: A Comedy in Four Acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
Comedy plays; English drama
[_GLADYS withdraws. LILY waits for the door to close and then walks
about distractedly._
LILY.
Oh, why can't they leave me alone! What do they want with me now, both
of them!
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Moving towards LILY._] 'Oo----?
LILY.
Nicko's downstairs-- with Lord Farncombe.
MRS. UPJOHN.
Lord Farncombe----!
ROPER.
And Jeyes!
LILY.
[_Reading the card again._] Nicko asks me to see him and the boy
together. [_ROPER and MRS. UPJOHN go to LILY, one on each side of her,
and try to read the card. She pushes them from her and sits in the
arm-chair by the centre table._] I won't; I won't.
JIMMIE.
[_Joining MRS. UPJOHN and ROPER._] Yes, yes, Lil; do.
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Bewildered._] Wot----?
JIMMIE.
Perhaps they've arrived at a friendly understanding----!
ROPER.
Understanding?
JIMMIE.
[_Excitedly._] And have come to propose that Lil should choose between
them!
ROPER.
Great Scot----!
LILY.
I _have_ chosen; I _have_ chosen. It's settled.
ROPER.
_Undoubtedly_ she ought to see them.
LILY.
It's a shame to persecute me so-- a shame!
JIMMIE, MRS. UPJOHN, AND ROPER.
[_Behind LILY'S chair._] Lil! Lily----!
MRS. UPJOHN.
Give 'em a minute, dear.
ROPER.
Hear what they've got to _say_.
JIMMIE.
It _would_ be uncivil _not_ to.
LILY.
Oh--! Oh----!
JIMMIE. }
Buck up, Lil! }
ROPER. } [_To LILY, urgently._]
My pet! }
MRS. UPJOHN. }
'Ark to reason, dearie. }
JIMMIE, MRS. UPJOHN, AND ROPER.
Lil! Lily----!
LILY.
[_Yielding helplessly._] Oh, very well----
JIMMIE, MRS. UPJOHN, AND ROPER.
Ah----!
LILY.
Tell Gladys-- when I ring----
JIMMIE.
[_Flying to the door on the left._] I'll tell her.
ROPER.
[_To MRS. UPJOHN, importantly._] Lucky I was on the spot; lucky I was
on the spot.
JIMMIE.
[_On the landing, to GLADYS._] Bring the gentlemen up when Miss Lily
rings.
LILY.
[_Rising and pacing the room on the right._] Give me some stockings!
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Hurrying into the bedroom._] Yes, dearie. [_As she disappears._]
Maud----!
JIMMIE.
[_Returning and closing the door and then whispering to ROPER._] Bet
my boots that's it!
ROPER.
[_To JIMMIE, in a whisper._] Choose between 'em!
JIMMIE.
What else can it be?
ROPER.
_I_ can't----
JIMMIE.
[_Throwing herself into ROPER'S arms._] Oh, if it _is_!
ROPER.
[_Hugging her._] Oh----!
JIMMIE.
[_Suddenly, releasing herself._] Oh----! [_Haughtily._] Thought you
were Lily.
[_MRS. UPJOHN returns, carrying a pair of stockings. LILY seats
herself upon the fauteuil-stool where, concealed by the centre table,
she draws on the stockings with MRS. UPJOHN'S assistance._
LILY.
[_Whimpering._] Oh--! Oh----!
MRS. UPJOHN.
Don't, dearie; don't. Mother's _'ere_.
ROPER.
[_Impatiently._] I-- ah-- I think I'll run downstairs and shake hands
with Jeyes and Farncombe while Lily's tidying herself.
JIMMIE.
[_Who has moved over to the right-- to ROPER._] Be careful. I should
advise you not to risk it.
ROPER.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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