Mr. John gave a sweep of his hand as if it were to say, ‘Get thee behind
me, Satan,’ and passed his questioner. ‘I am the servant of the Lord,’
he said. There was in the man’s look, in his nervous movements, in the
extraordinary absorbed expression of his face, such a sense of the
reality of his extraordinary purpose that the minister found not another
word to say. He paused and looked after the wayfarer making his way,
absorbed and intent upon his own thoughts, down the hill. It was no
vulgar enthusiasm at which a man of higher training might smile. By
whatsoever process Mr. John had arrived at it--whether it was all honest
throughout, or if there had been any deception to begin with, it was
sufficiently true now. He at least believed in his own mission. Mr.
Lothian turned and continued his way with a sigh. There is something in
such fervour of conviction which moves the mature, experienced man of
thought to a certain envy. No inducement in the world could have moved
the minister to such straightforward, downright belief in any mission of
reformation. ‘Therefore, I will never move a multitude,’ he said to
himself, ‘and who knows----’
Who knows? I am a fool for Christ’s sake, said Paul who was no fool. Was
not there something divine in the conviction, even if that were all?
When the minister reached the cottages on the brae, the first thing that
caught his eye was Ailie standing at the open door, her face contracted
as if with pain, and her hands clasped fast in each other with a certain
beseeching gesture like a silent prayer. There was no conviction in
Ailie’s face. In the Sabbath quiet, when all the world had retired into
their houses, the prophetess stood--‘as if it was an every-day,’ her
mother said, who felt the dereliction keenly--at the open door. The
girl’s face was full of doubt and trouble and nervous disquietude. The
man who claimed to share her fate had just left her. He had been
fulminating into her ear once more ‘the message of the Lord.’ He had
upbraided her for her doubt, her love which was failing from the love of
espousals, her strength which was growing weary in the way. ‘That lack
of faith with which she had reproached Margaret Diarmid was now imputed
to herself. And Mr. John had left the prophetess who was to him ‘the
sister, the wife,’ of apostolic precedent, quivering all over with
wounded pride and feeling. Poor Ailie did not know it was pride. She
believed it was the tenderness of conscience, the tenderness of heart,
which could not bear to feel itself guilty of the ingratitude imputed to
her. But she was sore and wounded, not knowing how to bear it, fighting
blindly against what it was more and more evident must be the will of
God and her fate.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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