Judge Gould married his daughter to Lord Cavan. A gentleman asking what fortune, was answered, "it was all in _Gould_, and his lordship changed it the first day." * * * * * VOLTAIRE. Voltaire said of a traveller, who made too long a stay with him at Ferney, "Don Quixote took inns for castles, but Mr. ---- takes castles for inns." * * * * * ABROAD AND AT HOME. The English abroad can never get to look as if they were at home. The Irish and Scotch, after being some time in a place, get the air of the natives; but an Englishman, in any foreign court, looks about him as if he was going to steal a tankard. * * * * * PARODY OF THE FIRST SONG IN THE BEGGAR'S OPERA. Through all the odd noses in vogue, Each nose is turn'd up at its brother; Broad and blunt they call platter and pug, And thus they take snuff at each other. The short calls the long nose a snout, The long calls the short nose a snub; And the bottle nose being so stout, Thinks every sharp one a scrub. T.H. * * * * * GARRICK AND STERNE. Sterne, who used his wife very ill, was one day talking to Garrick in a fine sentimental manner, in praise of conjugal love and fidelity. "The husband," said Sterne, "who behaves unkindly to his wife, deserves to have his house burnt over his head." "If you think so," said Garrick, "I hope _your_ house is insured." * * * * * UNPALATABLE IMPROVEMENT. Wilkes attended a city dinner, not long after his promotion to city honours. Among the guests was a noisy, vulgar deputy, a great glutton, who, on his entering the dinner-room, always with great deliberation took off his wig, suspended it on a pin, and with due solemnity put on a white cotton night-cap. Wilkes, who was a high bred man, and never accustomed to similar exhibitions, could not take his eyes from so strange and novel a picture. At length the deputy walked up to Wilkes, and asked him whether he did not think that his night-cap became him? "Oh! yes, Sir," replied Wilkes, "but it would look much better if it was pulled quite over your face." * * * * * CHARMS OF A DUEL. It has a strange quick jar upon the ear, That cocking of a pistol, when you know A moment more will bring the sight to bear Upon your person, twelve yards off, or so, A gentlemanly distance, not too near, If you have got a former friend for foe; But after being fired at once or twice, The ear becomes more Irish, and less nice. BYRON. * * * * * WESTMINSTER HALL. A peasant newly arrived in London, asked what building was that, pointing to where the law courts are held. "It is a mill," said an attorney, to quiz the bumpkin. "I thought as much," replied the countryman, "for I see a good many asses at the door with sacks."