The Mirror of Literature, Amusement, and Instruction. Volume 13, No. 359, March 7, 1829 — John Shaqi
The Mirror of Literature, Amusement, and Instruction. Volume 13, No. 359, March 7, 1829Various
History
The Mirror of Literature, Amusement, and Instruction. Volume 13, No. 359, March 7, 1829
Various
Popular literature -- Great Britain -- Periodicals
In about half an hour I began to feel confoundedly uncomfortable. I was a
mere cipher in the room; and what with the appalling bulk of Mr. Tims, the
attention the ladies bestowed upon him, and the neglect with which they
treated me, I sunk considerably in my own estimation. In proportion as
this feeling took possession of me, I experienced an involuntary respect
for the stranger. I admired his intimate knowledge of balls, dresses,
_faux pas_, marriages, and gossip of all sorts--and still more I admired
his bulk. I have an instinctive feeling of reverence towards "Stout
Gentlemen;" and, while contrasting my own puny form with his, I laboured
under a deep consciousness of personal insignificance. From being five
feet eight, I seemed to shrink to five feet one; from weighing ten stones,
I suddenly fell to seven and a half; while my portly rival sat opposite to
me, measuring at least a foot taller than myself, and weighing good thirty
stones, jockey weight. If any little fellow like me thinks of standing
well with his mistress, let him never appear in her presence with such a
gentleman as Mr. Tims. She will despise him to a certainty; nor, though
his soul be as large as Atlas or Teneriffe, will it compensate for the
paltry dimensions of his body.
What was to be done? With the ladies, it was plain, I _could_ do nothing:
with Mr. Tims, it was equally plain, I _ought_ to do nothing--seeing that,
however much he was the cause of my uneasiness, he was at least the
_innocent_ cause, and therefore neither morally nor judicially amenable to
punishment. From respecting Mr. Tims I came to hate him; and I vowed
internally, that, rather than be annihilated by this enlarged edition of
Daniel Lambert, I would pitch him over the window. Had I been a giant, I
am sure I would have done it on the spot. The giants of old, it is well
known, raised Pelion upon Ossa, in their efforts to scale the throne of
heaven; and tossed enormous mountains at the godhead of Jupiter himself.
Unfortunately for me, Mr. Tims was a mountain, and I was no giant.
I accordingly got up, and, pretending it was necessary that I should see
some person in the next street, abruptly left the room. Julia--I did not
expect it--saw me to the door, shook hands with me, and said she hoped I
would return to supper when my business was finished. Sweet girl! was it
possible she could prefer the Man-Mountain to me?
Away I went into the open air. I had no business whatever to perform: it
was mere fudge; and I resolved to go home as fast as I could.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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