_Sir W._ I'll have my house in future conducted as a gentleman's should be, and I will no longer suffer my wife to make herself the object of ridicule to all her servants. So I'll give up the folly of wishing to be thought a _tender_ husband, for the real honour of being found a _respectable_ one. I'll make a glorious bonfire of all your musty collection of family receipt-books! and when I deliver up your keys to an honest housekeeper, I'll keep one back of a snug apartment in which to deposit a rebellious wife. _Lady W._ That will be indeed the way to make yourself respectable. I have found means to manage you for some years, and it will be my own fault if I don't do so still. _Sir W._ Surely I dream! what? have you _managed_ me? Hey? Zounds! I never suspected that. Has sir Willoughby Worret been lead in leading-strings all this time? Death and forty devils, madam, have you presumed to manage _me_? _Lady W._ Yes, sir; but you had better be silent on the subject, unless you mean to expose yourself to your daughter and all the world. _Sir W._ Ay, Madam, with all my heart; my daughter and all the world shall know it. _Enter_ Helen. _Helen._ Here's a pretty piece of work!--what's the matter now, I wonder? _Lady W._ How dare you overhear our domestic dissentions. What business have you to know we were quarrelling, madam? _Helen._ Lord love you! if I had heard it, I should not have listened, for its nothing new, you know, when you're _alone_; though you both look so _loving_ in _public_. _Sir W._ That's true--that is _lamentably_ true--but all the world _shall_ know it--I'll proclaim it; I'll print it--I'll advertise it!--She has usurped my rights and my power; and her fate, as every usurper's should be, shall be _public_ downfall and disgrace. _Helen._ What, papa! and won't you let mamma-in-law rule the roast any longer? _Sir W._ No,--I am resolved from this moment no longer to give way to her absurd whims and wishes. _Helen._ You are! _Sir W._ Absolutely and immovably. _Helen._ And you will venture to contradict her? _Sir W._ On every occasion--right or wrong. _Helen._ That's right--Pray, madam, don't you wish me to marry lord Austencourt? _Lady W._ You know my _will_ on that head, Miss Helen! _Helen._ Then, papa, of course you wish me to marry _Charles_ Austencourt. _Sir W._ What! no such thing--no such thing--what! marry a beggar? _Helen._ But you won't let mamma rule the roast, will you, sir? _Sir W._ 'Tis a great match! I believe in that _one_ point we shall still agree-- _Lady W._ You may spare your persuasions, Madam, and leave the room. _Sir W._ What--my daughter leave the room? Stay here, Helen. _Helen._ To be sure I shall--I came on purpose to tell you the news! oh, tis a pretty piece of work! _Sir W._ What does the girl mean?