"Poppycock!" scoffed a scientist next to him. "So can a flat disk. Furthermore, who is an authority here on what happens on the moon? Moon-gazing is guesswork, gentlemen--sheer guesswork!" A worried little bald man pleaded, "Why can't we reconcile these hostile theories of apple-shape and saucer-shape into a compromise concept which will satisfy everybody?" "Exactly!" a ribald voice shouted. "Apple-saucer!" "Mr. Einstein?" said the President hopefully. The great man rose wistfully. "I am sorry, Mr. President," he said meekly. "But it is all over my head." * * * * * "Flash," said Walter Winchell on Sunday night. "Attention, Mr. and Mrs. America and all the ships at sea. I, Walter Winchell, want to tell you, whoever you are, that I, Walter Winchell, am the first as usual to break the most sensational scoop of the century! I, Walter Winchell, now tell you, whoever you are, that the world is no longer round, but flat. Flat, ladies and gentlemen ... F-L-A-T. Geography marches on! And the very first baby to be born into this new flat world...." Hearst papers promptly informed their readers that: REDS SABOTAGE GLOBE! The _New York Times_, with eminent fairness, editorialized: "It would seem that there is a great deal of justification for the new theory that the world is flat, while on the other hand, it seems equally dubious that there is sufficient evidence for discarding the globular theory which has had, we cannot afford to overlook, the distinguished test of time." Readers of the _Daily Worker_ turned for the facts, as usual, to the _Herald Tribune_. The Communist Party suffered its usual crisis. One group contended that accepting the new theory would split the unity of the working class, diverting attention from the class struggle. The other group bitterly maintained that to adhere to the discredited globular theory would be a betrayal of Marx. The latter lost. The result was a new splinter party called the True Marxists, which called a world rally to form the new popular front, the Flat World Workers Party. On the other side of the barricades, the N.A.M. and American Legion denounced flat-worldism as an attack on the very principles on which our great nation of free enterprise is founded. Gabriel Heatter cried, "Ah, my friends, let's not be deceived! Let's not be duped by this subtle attack on all that we hold dear, all that we have learned in the little red schoolhouse, in cherished days gone by!"