THE MODERN TRAVELLER BY H. B. and B. T. B. _Authors of “More Beasts (For Worse Children)”_ EDWARD ARNOLD 37, BEDFORD STREET, LONDON 1898 BY THE SAME AUTHORS. BAD CHILD’S BOOK OF BEASTS. Fcap. 4to., 2s. 6d. nett. ALDEN & CO., OXFORD. MORE BEASTS (for Worse Children). Demy 4to., 3s. 6d. EDWARD ARNOLD, LONDON. [Illustration: Forgive the litter in the room. ** Our traveller and a journalist in a room littered with miscellaneous African artifacts.] THE MODERN TRAVELLER. I. The _Daily Menace_, I presume? Forgive the litter in the room. I can’t explain to you How out of place a man like me Would be without the things you see,-- The Shields and Assegais and odds And ends of little savage gods. Be seated; take a pew. (Excuse the phrase. I’m rather rough, And--pardon me!--but have you got A pencil? I’ve another here: The one that you have brought, I fear, Will not be long enough.) [Illustration ** A journalist taking notes from our traveller, who is talking.] And so the Public want to hear About the expedition From which I recently returned: Of how the Fetish Tree was burned; Of how we struggled to the coast, And lost our ammunition; How we retreated, side by side; And how, like Englishmen, we died. Well, as you know, I hate to boast, And, what is more, I can’t abide A popular position. I told the Duke the other day The way I felt about it. He answered courteously--“Oh!” An Editor (who had an air Of what the Dutch call _savoir faire_) Said, “Mr. Rooter, you are right, And nobody can doubt it.” The Duchess murmured, “Very true.” Her comments may be brief and few, But very seldom trite. Still, representing as you do A public and a point of view, I’ll give you leave to jot A few remarks,--a very few,-- But understand that this is not A formal interview. And, first of all, I will begin By talking of Commander Sin. [Illustration ** Our traveller and the Duke in evening dress (tailcoats), standing and talking.] II.