When two wolves met in the wood, and a she-wolf was there, did not the
stronger rid himself of the other with his fangs? And in ancient times,
when men found refuge in the caverns, like the wolves, did not the
coveted woman belong to that man in the band who could win her in the
blood of his rivals? Then, as this was the law of life, it should be
obeyed, apart from the scruples invented later on to regulate existence
in common.
Little by little his right appeared to him absolute, and he felt his
resolution affirmed. On the morrow he would select the spot and hour,
and make preparations for the deed. Doubtless it would be best to stab
Roubaud at night on the station premises, during one of his rounds, so
as to convey the impression that he had fallen a victim to some thieves
he had surprised. He knew a good place, over there behind the coal
heaps, if Roubaud could only be attracted to the spot. In spite of his
desire to sleep, he could not help arranging the scene then, debating
in his mind where he would place himself, how he would strike, so as to
stretch his victim at his feet; and insensibly, invincibly, as he went
into the smallest details, his repugnance returned, inner protestation
gained the upper hand.
No, no, he would not deal the blow! It appeared to him monstrous, a
thing that could not be done, impossible. The civilised man within
him, influenced by the power acquired through education, by the
slowly erected and indestructible edifice of ideas handed down to
him, revolted. Kill not! He had taken in that law at the breast, with
the milk of generations. His refined brain, furnished with scruples,
repelled the thought of murder with horror, as soon as he began to
reason about it. Yes, kill by necessity, instinctively, in a fit of
passion; but kill deliberately, by calculation and interest, no, he
could never, never do it!
Dawn was breaking when Jacques succeeded in dozing off, but his sleep
was so light that the debate continued confusedly in his mind, causing
him abominable suffering. The ensuing days were the most painful of his
existence. He avoided Séverine. Dreading her look, he sent her word not
to come to the appointment on the Saturday. But the following Monday
he was obliged to meet her; and, as he had feared, her great blue
eyes, so soft and deep, filled him with anguish. She did not refer to
the subject, she did not make a sign, nor say a word to urge him on,
only her eyes were full of the thing, questioning, imploring him. He
hardly knew which way to turn to avoid their impatient and reproachful
gaze. He always found them fixed on his own eyes, in an expression of
astonishment that he could hesitate to be happy.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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