Flore dashed away, and immediately turning the corner formed by the
Doinville road, struck out to the left among the bushes. She was
familiar with every innermost corner of the district, and she could now
defy the gendarmes to catch her should they happen to be in pursuit.
So she abruptly ceased running, continuing at a slow walk towards
a hiding-place--an excavation above the tunnel, where she loved to
conceal herself on days when she felt sad. Raising her eyes, she saw
by the sun that it was noon. When she was in her den, she stretched
herself on the hard rock, and remained motionless with her hands
clasped behind her neck reflecting. It was not until then that she
felt a frightful void within her. A sensation of being dead gradually
numbed her limbs. This was not remorse at having uselessly slaughtered
all these people, for it required an effort on her part to experience
regret and horror at what she had done.
No, but she was now certain that Jacques had seen her holding back
the horses; and she had just understood, as she noticed him shrink
away, that he felt the same terrified repulsion for her as one has for
monsters. He would never forget. However, when you miss doing away
with other people, you must not commit the same blunder with yourself.
By-and-by, she would put an end to her existence. She had no other
hope. She felt the absolute necessity of resorting to this extremity,
since she had been there, recovering calm and reasoning. Her fatigue
and complete prostration alone prevented her rising to seek a weapon,
and die there and then.
And yet, from the midst of the invincible somnolence that settled on
her, again came the love of life, a craving for felicity, a final dream
of being happy also, considering she had left the other two to the
bliss of living freely together. Why not await night, to run off and
join Ozil, who adored her and would very well know how to defend her?
Then her thoughts became gentle and confused, and she fell into a sound
sleep, free from dreams.
When Flore awoke, night had completely set in. Not knowing where
she was, she felt about her, and at once remembered everything, on
touching the naked rock whereon she lay. Then the implacable necessity
presented itself like a thunderbolt: she must die. It seemed as if that
cowardly sensation of gentleness, that faltering when life seemed still
possible, had vanished with the fatigue. No, no; death alone was good.
She could not live in the midst of all this blood, with her tattered
heart, and execrated by the only man she cared for, who belonged to
another. Now that she had the strength, she must die.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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