The facts are much duller. Strickland, a boy fresh from school, went
into a broker’s office without any feeling of distaste. Until he
married he led the ordinary life of his fellows, gambling mildly on the
Exchange, interested to the extent of a sovereign or two on the result
of the Derby or the Oxford and Cambridge Race. I think he boxed a
little in his spare time. On his chimney-piece he had photographs of
Mrs. Langtry and Mary Anderson. He read _Punch_ and the _Sporting
Times_. He went to dances in Hampstead.
It matters less that for so long I should have lost sight of him. The
years during which he was struggling to acquire proficiency in a
difficult art were monotonous, and I do not know that there was
anything significant in the shifts to which he was put to earn enough
money to keep him. An account of them would be an account of the things
he had seen happen to other people. I do not think they had any effect
on his own character. He must have acquired experiences which would
form abundant material for a picaresque novel of modern Paris, but he
remained aloof, and judging from his conversation there was nothing in
those years that had made a particular impression on him. Perhaps when
he went to Paris he was too old to fall a victim to the glamour of his
environment. Strange as it may seem, he always appeared to me not only
practical, but immensely matter-of-fact. I suppose his life during this
period was romantic, but he certainly saw no romance in it. It may be
that in order to realise the romance of life you must have something of
the actor in you; and, capable of standing outside yourself, you must
be able to watch your actions with an interest at once detached and
absorbed. But no one was more single-minded than Strickland. I never
knew anyone who was less self-conscious. But it is unfortunate that I
can give no description of the arduous steps by which he reached such
mastery over his art as he ever acquired; for if I could show him
undaunted by failure, by an unceasing effort of courage holding despair
at bay, doggedly persistent in the face of self-doubt, which is the
artist’s bitterest enemy, I might excite some sympathy for a
personality which, I am all too conscious, must appear singularly
devoid of charm. But I have nothing to go on. I never once saw
Strickland at work, nor do I know that anyone else did. He kept the
secret of his struggles to himself. If in the loneliness of his studio
he wrestled desperately with the Angel of the Lord he never allowed a
soul to divine his anguish.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account