The moonshiners at Hoho-hebee Falls: 1895Craddock, Charles Egbert
General
The moonshiners at Hoho-hebee Falls: 1895
Craddock, Charles Egbert
Fiction
“It's plumb cur'us Hil'ry ain't never furgot her,” observed one of them.
“He hev never married at all. My wife says it's jes contrariousness.
Ef Mal-viny hed been his wife an' died, he'd hev married agin 'fore the
year war out. An' I tell my wife that he'd hev been better acquainted
with her then, an' would hev fund out ez no woman war wuth mournin'
'bout fur nigh twenty year. My wife says she can't make out ez how
Hil'ry 'ain't got pride enough not ter furgive her fur givin' him the
mitten like she done. An' I tell my wife that holdin' a gredge agin a
woman fur bein' fickle is like holdin' a gredge agin her fur bein' a
woman.”
He paused with an air, perceived somehow in the brown dusk, of having
made a very neat point. A stir of assent was vaguely suggested when some
chivalric impulse roused a champion at the farther side of the worm,
whose voice rang out brusquely:
“Jes listen at Tom! A body ter hear them tales he tells 'bout argufyin'
with his wife would 'low he war a mighty smart, apt man, an' the pore
foolish 'oman skeercely hed a sensible word ter bless herself with.
When everybody that knows Tom knows he sings mighty small round home. Ye
stopped too soon, Tom. Tell what yer wife said to that.”
Tom's embarrassed feet shuffled heavily on the rocks, apparently in
search of subterfuge. The dazzling glintings from the crevices of the
furnace door showed here and there gleaming teeth broadly agrin.
“Jes called me a fool in gineral,” admitted the man skilled in argument.
“An' didn't she 'low ez men folks war fickle too, an' remind ye o' yer
young days whenst ye went a-courtin' hyar an' thar, an' tell over a
string o' gals' names till she sounded like an off'cer callin' the
roll?”
“Ye-es,” admitted Tom, thrown off his balance by this preternatural
insight, “but all them gals war a-tryin' ter marry me--not me tryin' ter
marry them.”
There was a guffaw at this modest assertion, but the disaffected
miller's tones dominated the rude merriment.
“Whenst a feller takes ter drink folks kin spell out a heap o' reasons
but the true one--an' that's 'kase he likes it. Hil'ry 'ain't never
named that 'oman's name ter me, an' I hev knowed him ez well ez ennybody
hyar. Jes t'other day whenst that boy kem, bein' foolish an' maudlin, he
seen suthin' on-common in Lee-yander's eyes--they'll be mighty oncommon
ef he keeps on readin' his tomfool book, ez he knows by heart, by the
firelight when it's dim. Ef folks air so sot agin strong drink, let 'em
drink less tharsefs. Hear Brother Peter Vickers preach agin liquor, an'
ye'd know ez all wine-bibbers air bound fur hell.”
“But the Bible don't name 'whiskey' once,” said the man called Tom,
in an argumentative tone. “Low wines I'll gin ye up;” he made the
discrimination in accents betokening much reasonable admission; “but
nare time does the Bible name whiskey, nor yit peach brandy, nor
apple-jack.”
“Nor cider nor beer,” put in an unexpected recruit from the darkness.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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