"Lost him?" she mused. "No--not that. If I'd lost him, Jim, I'd take
you. If ever he looked in my eyes--as if I'd lost him--I'd take you.
I've give him up; but I ain't lost him. Maybe," she proceeded,
eagerly, "when the time comes, he'll not give me up. He loves me, Jim;
he'll not forget. I know he's different from us. You can't tell a
mother nothing about such things as that. God!" she muttered, clasping
her hands, "how strangely different he is. And every day he'll change.
Every day he'll be--more different. That's what I want. That's why I
give him up. To make him--more different! But maybe," she continued,
her voice rising with the intensity of her feeling, "when he grows up,
and the time comes--maybe, Jim, when he can't be made no more
different--maybe, when I go to him, man grown--are you
listening?--maybe, when I ask him if he loves me, he'll remember!
Maybe, he'll take me in. Lost him?" she asked. "How do you know that?
Go to you, Jim? Go to you, now--when he might take me in if I wait? I
can't! Don't you understand? When the time comes, he might ask
me--where you was."
"You're crazy, Millie," the man protested. "You're just plain crazy."
"Crazy? Maybe, I am. To love and hope! Crazy? Maybe, I am. But,
Jim, mothers is all that way."
"All that way?" he asked, regarding her with a speculative eye.
"Mothers," she repeated, "is all that way."
"Well," said he, swiftly advancing, "lovers isn't."
"Keep back!" she cried.
"No, I won't."
"You'll make a cat of me. I warn you, Jim!"
"You can't keep me off. You said you loved me. You do love me. You
can't help yourself. You got to marry me."
She retreated. "Leave me alone!" she screamed. "I can't. Don't you
see how it is? Quit that, now, Jim! You ain't fair. Take your arms
away. God help me! I love you, you great big brute! You know I do.
You ain't fair.... Stop! You hurt me." She was now in his arms--but
still resisting. "Leave me alone," she whimpered. "You hurt me. You
ain't fair. You know I love you--and you ain't fair.... Oh, God
forgive me! Don't do that again, Jim. Stop! Let me go. For God's
sake, stop kissing me! I like you, Jim. I ain't denying that. But
let me go.... Please, Jim! Don't hold me so tight. It ain't fair....
Oh, it ain't fair...."
She sank against his broad breast; and there she lay helpless--bitterly
sobbing.
"Don't cry, Millie!" he whispered.
Still she sobbed.
"Oh, don't cry, girl!" he repeated, tenderly. "It's all right. I
won't hurt you. You love me, and I love you. That's all right,
Millie. What's the matter with you, girl? Lift your face, won't you?"
"No, no!"
"Why not, Millie?"
"I don't know," she whispered. "I think I'm--ashamed."
There was no longer need to hold her fast. His arms relaxed. She did
not move from them. And while they stood thus, in the moonlight,
falling brightly through the window, he stroked her hair, murmuring,
the while, all the reassuring words at his command.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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