Mothers and daughters -- Fiction; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction; Psychological fiction; Riviera (France) -- Fiction
At last she was at rest. Even the nature of her sleep was changed.
Waking one morning--not with a jerk, but slowly, voluntarily, as it
were--out of a soundless, dreamless night, a miraculous draught of
sleep, she understood that for years even her rest had been unrestful.
She recalled the uncertainty and apprehension always woven through her
dreams, the sudden nocturnal wakings to a blinding, inextinguishable
sense of her fate, her future, her past; and the shallow turbid
half-consciousness of her morning sleep, which would leave her, when
she finally woke from it, emptied of all power of action, all hope and
joy. Then every sound that broke the night-hush had been irritating,
had pierced her rest like an insect’s nagging hum; now the noises
that accompanied her falling asleep and awakening seemed to issue
harmoniously out of the silence, and the late and early roar of Fifth
Avenue to rock her like the great reiterations of the sea.
“This is peace ... this _must_ be peace,” she repeated to herself, like
a botanist arrested by an unknown flower, and at once guessing it to be
the rare exquisite thing he has spent half his life in seeking.
Of course she would not have felt any of these things if Anne had not
been the Anne she was. It was from Anne’s presence, her smile, her
voice, the mystery of her eyes even, that the healing flowed. If Kate
Clephane had an apprehension left, it was her awe--almost--of that
completeness of Anne’s. Was it possible, humanly possible, that one
could cast away one’s best treasure, and come back after nearly twenty
years to find it there, not only as rare as one had remembered it, but
ripened, enriched, as only beautiful things are enriched and ripened
by time? It was as if one had set out some delicate plant under one’s
window, so that it might be an object of constant vigilance, and then
gone away, leaving it unwatched, unpruned, unwatered--how could one
hope to find more than a dead stick in the dust when one returned? But
Anne was real; she was not a mirage or a mockery; as the days passed,
and her mother’s life and hers became adjusted to each other, Kate felt
as if they were two parts of some delicate instrument which fitted
together as perfectly as if they had never been disjoined--as if Anne
were that other half of her life, the half she had dreamed of and
never lived. To see Anne living it would be almost the same as if it
were her own; would be better, almost; since she would be there, with
her experience, and tenderness, to hold out a guiding hand, to help
shape the perfection she had sought and missed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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