THE PARISH PUMP 64 POLICE COURT SENSE 66 CLUB CANTOS CANTO I. THE ATHENÆUM 69 CANTO II. WHITE'S 72 CANTO III. THE BACHELORS' 74 CANTO IV. THE GARRICK 76 CANTO V. THE AUTOMOBILE 79 CANTO VI. BROOKS'S 81 CANTO VII. 'THE BEEFSTEAK' 84 CANTO VIII. THE TRAVELLERS' 87 CANTO IX. 'THE BATH' 90 SONGS IN SEASON NEW YEAR'S EVE 93 FEBRUARY 95 SPRING 97 SPRING-CLEANING 100 'ROYAL ASCOT' 102 'ROSES' 105 THE END OF THE SEASON 107 THE COCKNEY OF THE NORTH 109 'THE TWELFTH' 111 NOVEMBER 113 THE CYNIC'S CHRISTMAS 115 ENVOI 119 FOREWORD THE WORLD WE LAUGH IN! ['Sadness, once a favourite pose of poets, is no longer fashionable. Nowadays melancholy people are looked upon as depressing.'--The _Gentlewoman_.] Bygone bards in baleful ballads would betoken Worlds of wretchedness and globes compact of gloom; Pensive poets of the past have sung or spoken Of the misery of mortals' daily doom, Of the hearts that are as hard as something oaken, Of the blossoms that are blighted ere they bloom, Of the ease with which a lover's vows are broken, And the terrors of the tomb! Now no longer 'tis the minstrel's mawkish fashion To narrate a tale of melancholy woe, Of some wight whose face was haggard, wan, and ashen, And who languished in the days of long ago, Who adored, with pure but unrequited passion, And a heart that was as soft as any dough, A divine but unsusceptible Circassian Who continued to say 'No'! For to-day our lays are light, our sonnets sprightly, We adopt a tone inspiriting and blithe; We can treat the saddest subjects fairly brightly, And we never make our fellow-creatures writhe. We regard all signs of sorrow as unsightly And as dreary as the Esplanade at Hythe, And in seas of lyric joy we swim as lightly As a saith[1] else a lythe[2])!