Can you wonder, then, that Independents rally Round a candidate to whom the Fates allot That his meetings shall be graced by Cinquevalli, And his policy endorsed by Malcolm Scott? Or that ev'ry one should mention--proud and humble, poor and rich-- That a vote for Mr. Johnson is a vote for Little Tich? SCRIBBLERS ALL! [In the House of Commons, Lord Claud Hamilton referred to Mr. Birrell as a 'distinguished scribbler.'] Who would be a Man of Letters, Ink on paper daily dribbling, In a fashion which his betters Scornfully describe as 'scribbling'? Who would practise a vocation So unlucrative and painful, To deserve a designation Cruelly disdainful? Pity pen- or pencil-nibblers Labelled as 'distinguished scribblers'! Sculptors are but seldom branded-- 'Those illustrious plaster-shapers'; Violinists' friends, though candid, Never call them 'catgut-scrapers.' Styling painters 'canvas-scratchers' Would offend against convention; Surgeons as 'appendix-snatchers' Nobody would mention. Who would term Lord Claud's directors 'Guinea-pigs' or 'fee collectors'? Yet, although no politicians We entitle 'platform-stumpers,' Nor refer to great musicians As 'immortal pedal-thumpers,' Though we name no leading jurist: 'This notorious legal-quibbler,' Ev'ry writer of the purest Prose shall be a 'scribbler,' Till the Gribbles cease to gribble And no more the Whibleys whibble! THE LYONS CUBS ['Waiting is a good, and often a lucrative profession, which must be freed from the hostile prejudice entertained by the ordinary British family. On the Continent and in America there is no such prejudice, and University men often find the profession worth entering.'--Evening Paper.] I said to George, my eldest son, 'Now that your college days are done, 'And high opinions you have won 'For wisdom and discretion, 'The time has come, as I suspect, 'When you should ponder and reflect 'Upon your future, and select 'A calling or profession.' He answered brightly, 'Righto, pater! 'I'd like to be a British waiter!' 'Come, George,' I said, 'don't be absurd! 'I asked what _calling_ you preferred. 'The Bar (although, I've always heard, 'The work is something frightful), 'The Church, the Services, the Bench, 'Diplomacy--nay, do not blench, 'You know how good you are at French-- 'Is each of them delightful; 'I'll come for your decision later.' Said George, 'I wish to be a waiter! 'Yes, at some café let me wait; 'For though I stroked my College eight, 'The year they won the Ladies' Plate, 'How mean a triumph _that_ is, 'Compared with his who daily bears 'Whole stacks of Ladies' Plates downstairs, 'Or "bumps" the backs of diners' chairs, 'At Evans's or Gatti's! 'A "first" in "Greats" I deem no greater 'Than every exploit of the waiter.