Detective and mystery stories; English fiction -- 19th century
‘Oh, yes, I will have pity,’ she murmured vaguely. ‘Who would not be
pitiful for such a waste of love—of life! It is very cruel and
confusing—one cannot be angry; I grieve for you, and I grieve for
myself. You see, in my case, love is now a thing of the past. I have
to look back upon it and say with the German poet, “I have lived and
loved.” I love no more, and therefore I live no more. You, at any rate,
have more vitality than I—you are still conscious of love—’
‘Bitterly conscious!’ said Valdis. ‘Hopelessly conscious!’
She was silent for a little; her face was turned away, and Valdis could
not see the tears falling from her eyes. Presently she spoke very
tranquilly, putting out her hand to meet his.
‘My dear friend,’ she said, ‘I am very sorry! I think you understand my
nature, and you will therefore feel instinctively how sorry I am! I am
quite an unfortunate mortal; I win love where I never sought it, and I
have given love where it is not valued. Let us say no more about it.
You are a brave man; you have your work, your art, and your career. You
will, I hope, in time forget that Delicia Vaughan ever existed. A few
days ago I should certainly have resented the very idea of your loving
me as an insult and a slur upon my married life; but when I know that my
marriage is a farce—a very devil’s mockery of holy union—why! I am not
in a position to resent anything! Some women, without being as
grief-stricken as I am, or in need of any consolation, hearing such a
confession as yours to-night, would fling themselves into your arms and
give you love for love; but I cannot do that. I have no love left; and
if I had, I would not so forfeit my own self-respect,—or your reverence
for me as a woman.’
‘Oh, my love, my saint! Forgive me!’ cried Valdis, moved by a sudden
deep humiliation. ‘I should still have kept my secret; I ought never to
have spoken!’
She looked at him candidly, the tears still in her eyes and a faint
smile trembling on her mouth.
‘I am not sure about that,’ she said. ‘You see, when a woman is very
sad and lonely, just as if she had grown suddenly too old and poor to
have a friend in the world, there is a wonderful sweetness in the
knowledge that someone still loves her, even though she may be quite
unable to return that love. That is how I feel to-night; and so I
cannot be quite as angry with you as I should like to be!’
She paused, then laid her hand on his arm.
‘It is growing dark, Mr Valdis; will you see me home? My rooms are
quite close to the pier, so it will only be a few minutes’ walk.’
Silently he turned and walked beside her. Overhead, through
slowly-flitting clouds, one or two stars twinkled out for a moment and
vanished again, and the solemn measure of the sea around them sounded
like the subdued chanting of a dirge.
‘Where are you staying?’ asked Delicia, presently.
‘Nowhere,’ he answered quickly. ‘I shall go back to town to-night.’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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